Horror That's Just Horrific - Bad Movies, Games, & More

[Leliel]

On the House of the Dead abominations...Pretty much any video game movie sucks.

Why? Beacuse pretty much every VG movie ever made is made by Uwe Boll, who deserves a nice kick to the shins.

Don't believe me? http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Uwe_Boll

The fact that Wikipedia is almost Nazi-like in it's devotion to factual neutrality should tell you somthing about him.

[Brandi]

The Abominible Dr. Phibes and Dr. Phibes Rises Again
... But I could barely sit through these 2 monstrosities.

You are dead to me. (Well, okay, I'll concede the sequel is pretty useless.)

[High Priest Mikhal]

This one gets a mention not because it's bad so much as they broke my cardinal rule: YOU DO NOT HARM ANIMALS OR CHILDREN!!!

Feast II: Sloppy Seconds

Raping a cat, a baby get's eaten alive after being sacrificed, how did this bull**** get by the MPAA!? Oh wait, it didn't! It's unrated!! Remember the lack of an MPAA rating means "no restrictions regarding content." At least if it's legal (which only deepens my disgust and loathing for the American tolerance of violence; this IS legal).

[Brandi]

Raping a cat, a baby get's eaten alive after being sacrificed, how did this bull**** get by the MPAA!? Oh wait, it didn't! It's unrated!!

Two things: 1) the MPAA doesn't really worry about animal cruelty unless it can be shown a real animal was injured (and even then, there can be a bye if the film came from a country where they weren't so concerned about such issues, such as the infamous Cannibal Holocaust (1980)); 2) direct-to-video has remarkably low standards.

[High Priest Mikhal]

I still think there's something very sick and wrong with showing the audience a baby falling and hitting the pavement then bleeding out before it gets eaten. Not that the rest of the movie was any better, but at least all the other bad things happened to adults. They weren't innocents like a child.

[Ornum]

I still think there's something very sick and wrong with showing the audience a baby falling and hitting the pavement then bleeding out before it gets eaten. Not that the rest of the movie was any better, but at least all the other bad things happened to adults. They weren't innocents like a child.

I can't say I completely agree with that statement. While such a sight would disgust me on a personal level (and thanks for pointing it out so that I can make sure that I never watch this movie), I don't see anything wrong with it in general terms. Not to try and compare this piece of crap with something that is good, but there are forms of entertainment out there that have similar scenes in it that are considered works of art (off the top of my head, the Illiad comes to mind - the fate of Hector's child in particular). Even Bram Stoker's Dracula had the implied death of a baby in it (when Gary Oldman, as Dracula, brought the three female vampires a snack), though it wasn't expressly shown in detail.

Now, the raping the cat part...really, I'd have to see it in context, but on the other hand, it's not something that I personally want to see, so there you go.

Regardless, the movie probably is garbage, so I really don't know why I would try and defend it, to be honest.

[High Priest Mikhal]

I can't say I completely agree with that statement. While such a sight would disgust me on a personal level (and thanks for pointing it out so that I can make sure that I never watch this movie), I don't see anything wrong with it in general terms.

Agreed. The keyword in my statement is showing. It's a sad fact of life that children die every day and I accept that. But I don't want to have to see it in graphic detail when I'm trying to be entertained. I like horror, not snuff.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Dance of the Dead (Movie, folks. Not the RL book!)
I know this was supposed to be a horror-comedy, but really. The paramilitary gym teacher with a shed full of anti-zombie weapons, a freakin' prom, and people that KNOW the dead are restless!? I'm sorry, it's just too corny, trite, and cliche for my tastes. If you like bad B-horror, then this is for you. Just be warned the acting is bad, the special FX are bad, the teen angst makes a body nauseous, and the story has holes that an aircraft carrier could get through.

OTOH, Dark Rooms was pretty good (they're both Lionsgate/Ghost House Underground flicks). The idea that autistic people are aware of things and realities no "normal" person could ever know about is interesting. As an autistic myself it's a unique angle on horror I hadn't really though of.

[Manofevil]

Fine and dandy but you might want to note that you're talking about the MOVIE and not the Ravenloft Novel- which was landmark.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Fine and dandy but you might want to note that you're talking about the MOVIE and not the Ravenloft Novel- which was landmark.

Done. I forgot all about the book. Now I hate the movie even more for using such an esteemed title for such a load of crap.

[Zettaijin]

Oh come now, Dance of the Dead the movie was silly and cliché, but a lot of fun at times. I very much doubt that anyone was seriously trying to make anything but a parody/homage to zombie flicks.

Not every horror flick can be Tenebre, Dawn of the Dead or The Shining, nor should they be. Sometimes, a Long Island Cannibal Massacre is needed. Not that this movie was anywhere close to the LICM.

But still, they should have kept the angry punk alive. That character had class.

[High Priest Mikhal]

It just had too much teenage drama for me (actually, all ages have drama but none so "dramatic" as high schoolers--and people like my sister ). Plus the statement "It makes "Carrie" look like "Pretty In Pink" sort of led me to believe this would be something else. Yeah, I can accept it's a good movie for the masses. But I'm not the masses and I'm just sharing my opinion like any critic.

Also I have to add that Dark Rooms is "the Lordi movie" (:twisted:). You get to see rock videos of "Hard Rock Hallelujah" and "Can You Love A Monster Man" in the extras. I thought those monsters looked like the band members. I guess it wasn't a coincidence after all.

[Zettaijin]

I wouldn't consider myself part of the "masses" - whatever that means. After all, I'm a big fan of those zany Italian flicks from the 70's and 80's where nudity and style were all one really needed to justify making a movie (Andrea Bianchi, where would we be without you?).

Yet I still enjoyed Dance of the Dead for what it was - a lightweight, extremely mainstream, zombie flick with a bit of tongue in cheek humour. But the Pretty in Pink tagline was a mistake - I mean, really, how does one go from DePalma to Molly Ringwald? Mind you, DePalma doing Pretty in Pink would have been way cool.

Plus, I'm partial to the concept of a heavy metal band playing at the prom.

Still, like I said, we're a far cry from the Long Island Cannibal Massacre level of entertainment. This one is too clean, too nice and too polished to be considered a true b-movie.

Real b-movies have a grittiness about them that was sadly absent here.

[High Priest Mikhal]

Yeah, I know this is several months overdue. Something told me I'd be a lot happier just renting this. My instincts were right on.

Friday the 13th - 2009 Remake
How does that sound effect go? "Wah-wah-wahahah"

Maybe it's because I'm older and this was definitely geared towards a 13-19 demographic, but this movie had me yawning in boredom more than jumping in fright. None of the characters have any real depth, the plot is thin as water, and the whole movie relies more on gratuitous nudity and drug humor than anything else. Worse still is that it's PREDICTABLE when the inevitable killings happen. Sometimes it throws you a curveball (the roasting alive in a sleeping bag was a new one on me) but otherwise you know when and at times even how someone will die well before it happens.

Other than that it was...okay. It did stick to key elements of the first four movies' plots quite well, such as Jason building a shrine to the decapitated head of his mother and the "twist" ending where Jason jumps out of the lake at the end (just like the nightmare the survivor of the first had). It's not half as bad as Feast II or 28 Weeks Later, but even if you're a diehard Friday fan like me, this movie is just awful.

[JinnTolser]

None of the characters have any real depth, the plot is thin as water, and the whole movie relies more on gratuitous nudity and drug humor than anything else. Worse still is that it's PREDICTABLE when the inevitable killings happen.

That almost sounds like you're describing a Friday the 13th movie. Oh wait...

Seriously though, that did look an awful lot worse than the original and first sequel, the only two movies in the franchise I could stand.