Ravenloft's Mr. Welch List

[The Lesser Evil]

-I cannot escape Ravenloft by clicking my heels together three times and saying, "there's no place like home, there's no place like home, there's no place like home".
-Ruby/Silver Slippers are not Mist Talismans.
-Strategically landed houses are not a way to kill the darklord/villain.
-Hags will not melt away if I throw water on them.
-Hags are not required by law to say "I'll get you, my pretty, and your little dog too!"
-Ravenloft is not powered by technicolor.
-Failing a fear check does not make somebody a cowardly lion.
-I am not allowed to refer to Anmi Vanjuko as the the Tin Man.
-Jacqueline Montarri is not Princess Mombi.
-Not allowed to call gargoyles "flying monkeys".
-Goblins do not represent the "Lollipop Guild".
-Not allowed to sing "oh-wee-oh" when soldiers/minions are seen on patrol.

[yaoihuntressearth]

... You made me imagine what a Big Eyes Small Mouth-game set in Ravenloft would be like.
Now I'm trying very hard not to imagine a domain based on anime clichés. 0_0;

Along with the Weathermay Twins as Sailor Scouts.

[Rock of the Fraternity]

... You made me imagine what a Big Eyes Small Mouth-game set in Ravenloft would be like.
Now I'm trying very hard not to imagine a domain based on anime clichés. 0_0;

Along with the Weathermay Twins as Sailor Scouts.

AIIIEEEEEE~! >.<

[Rock of the Fraternity]

- I will not clear ghoul warrens by putting roller skates on them while they're asleep, coating someone in barbecue sauce and forcing them to dance on the edge of a cliff. If the ghouls figure out how to skate, we're all doomed.
- I will not clear an area of zombies by digging covered pit-traps everywhere and making people stand at the edges and shout at the undead. Zombies typically move in from all directions.
- I will not clear an area of vampires by inducing diabetes in the local populace. All this does is make the people easier targets; vampires will not suffer tooth decay from imbibing too much sugar.
- I will not clear an area of werewolves by introducing silver salts into the local ecosystem. Yes, the werewolves would get sick and possibly die if they ate the flesh of creatures with silver poisoning, but if argyria sets in, those same creatures would either be ostracized or killed by people who see them.
- I will not buy up a building and advertise the opening of a company called 'Ghostbusters' in Mordent. By this point, you're just asking for it.
- I will not stand on one side of the border between domains and make childish insulting gestures at the darklord on the other side and call them names. They can't cross over. Crossbow bolts, bullets and mercenaries are good to go.

[Rock of the Fraternity]

- I will not open a dead letter office in the Dread Realms. There's no telling who would use it, or for what purpose.
- I will not make 'Ahmed the dead terrorist'-jokes in Pharizia.
- I will not raise a skeletal undead from the grave, put a turban on it and make it call itself Ahmed the dead terrorist. The standup act was only hilarious until Ahmed became angry enough to break free of the necromancer's control.
- I will also not name Vlad Drakov 'the other half of Strahd' and/or scheme to merge them with the Apparatus. References to the historical Dracula are eligible for aPowers Check.
- I will not try to talk any of the big religions of the Dread Realms into starting a holy war against the forces of darkness, unsolicited mimes, or poodles with fru-fru haircuts.

[order99]

My goal is to destroy evil monsters wherever they may be found-not to weld them into a legion of unimaginable might and to rule over all of the United Domains as the benevolent deity that I am...

On a related note, I am to remind the DM that Megalomania is no longer on the List the next time I fail a Madness Check, and to remind her why...

Just because Vlad Drakov killed a personal friend of mine does NOT mean that I should:
-leave the head of his favorite horse in his bed with a note implicating another Darklord
-find the members of his Kargat and Impale them near the border with a note implicating another Darklord
-impale random Darkonian citizens and claim they were Kargat with a note implicating another Darklord
-impale random Darkonian soldiers of high rank and claim that Drakov did it
-kill any of his children while implicating the Kargat

...While revenge has its place (as does revolution) I am to remind myself that I really don't need any more Powers Checks...

While infiltrating Drakov's fortress, placing him under a magical sleep, shaving him from head to toe, dying him orange and dosing him with poison oak did not incur even one Powers Check, the DM would like to remind me that security will be quadrupled if I dare try again... Also, if I attempt that with any other Darklords I am to expect that word has gotten around and that I will most likely die.

I an not to provoke Harkon Lucas to a duel to the death and then choose 'Kazoo' as the preferred weapon-no matter how hilarious it was at the time, and even though the Darklord was amused enough to let me leave alive and wearing a 'dunce' cap cursed to remain on my head...

On a related note, setting paper hats on fire is not a great alternative to Remove Curse...

The Gentleman Caller does not want to challenge me to a fiddle contest, he does not have a fiddle made of gold and if I am so eager to wager him my soul I should do it in a way that does not involve NWP-Music...so sayeth the DM.

I will be killed by the Dark Powers on the spot if I ever suggest to the DM that a Mirror of Opposition should ever be used on Toben the Many...the possibility of destroying every single Domain ever is just too, too great to risk it!

If the DM publicly rolls a Terror Check for the Monsters then I have gone too, too far and the other PCs will not get Powers Checks for anything they decide to do to me...

My inspired use of:
-one Potion of Haste
- one pair Boots of Speed
-one Ring of Water Walking
-one Belt of Giant Strength
-one expensive set of silver chainmail
-two Daggers +1/+3 vs Shapechangers

-does not, in fact, make me a 'Torpedo of Nathan Timothy Slaying'-although I came pretty durned close. The massive bounty on my head will most likely prevent me from ever trying again.

Attempting to collect my own bounty from Nathan Timothy, while certainly amusing, is doomed to fail-and it is doubtful that he will care which cause I wish it to be sent to after I die.

Attempting to do the same while wearing a Necklace of Missles and detonating the entire lot while wearing it however, was quite effective at killing Nathan Timothy, most of his passengers, scuttling the Riverboat and avoiding any Dark Powers Checks since I was quite dead afterwards. I have, however, promised to never use this trick again as I made our DM cry. Also, there is no no such thing as a Necklace of Missles in Ravenloft ever again, and I am to remind the DM of this forever. Seriously, i'm sorry...

Lycanthropy is not 'an awesome power' and I should not let my new PC treat it as such.

Once I realize the nature of my Lycanthropic curse, pointing myself in the general direction of actual evil-doers on the Nights of the Moon...is not that terrible an idea. However, striking a pose and intoning "IN THE NAME OF THE MOON I WILL PUNISH YOU!" just before the painful transformation begins-it causes my poor DM to curse and pull her hair, and I promised not to get her upset anymore...

[The Lesser Evil]

I don't tug on Strahd's cape.
I don't spit into the Mists.
I don't pull the choker off that old Montarri
And I don't mess around with Azalin.

[order99]

I don't tug on Strahd's cape.
I don't spit into the Mists.
I don't pull the choker off that old Montarri
And I don't mess around with Azalin.

NO, NOT THE EARWORMS! AIEEEEEE!!!!!

[Manofevil]

[The Lesser Evil]

-I will not demand that my party “split up and search for clues” at the start of every investigation.
-I will not try to pull the face off of every villain just because “he’s obviously wearing a mask”.
-I will stop insisting that everyone we meet refer to our horse-drawn wagon as “the Mystery Machine”.
-“Jinkies”, “zoinks”, and “jeepers” are not required exclamatory catchphrases for all skeptical investigators of the supernatural.
-“Let me splat ‘em!” is not the universal solution to all my Small-sized barbarian’s problems.
-Scooby Snacks offer neither prevention nor alleviation from failed Fear checks.

[Rock of the Fraternity]

- I will not throw glitter on the vampires.
- I will not offer the werewolves a poodle haircut.
- I will not say "Give peas a chance" to the hags.
- I will not tell the ghosts they lack fighting spirit.
- I will not tell the Darklords they need to get out more and should go on vacation abroad.
- I will not tell the Dark Powers to hit me (nor anyone else) with the worst they've got.
- If I become a Darklord, I will not rename my domain the 'maximum fun zone'.

[The Lesser Evil]

-I will not play as “Strahd’s Annie Oakley” when visiting the Wizard of Wines.
--However, the value of wine in easing quality of life in Barovia will not excuse my character’s rampant drunken bar brawls.
-S&M gear does not necessarily constitute polite formal wear in Borca.
-Procuring a spelljamming ship will not ensure success in colonizing Bluetspur.
-Calling Darkon a “melting pot” does not justify launching random fireballs into rooms filled with Darkonians.
-The Hour of Ascension does not refer to getting high.
-Dementlieuse class warfare does not refer to “enchanters, illusionists, and bards vs. everybody else”.