Ask a darklord

[Undead Cabbage]

Strahd: Yes, they tell me there's a blond haired girl named Tara that I need not concern myself with. But it is good, no? Because I, Strahd, would always be able to tell if someone is my Tatyana.

*2 months later*

To my dearest Tara, WHY WON'T YOU CALL ME!!!!!!!!!. I make fabulous dinner of you...I mean for you, PLEASE COME VISIT ME!!!!

Dear Alfred Timothy: Have you ever asked Harkon Lucas what it's like being a real wolf?

[JinnTolser]

Alfred Timothy: I'm a real wolf too! *sob* Actually, I would like to smack him upside the head, tell him just how lucky he is, but there's this lttle thing called a domain border that makes that sort of thing pretty much impossible.

Dear Anton Misroi: Do you really look like Abe Lincoln, or is that just the smiley? :misori:

[cure]

Dear Anton Misroi: Do you really look like Abe Lincoln, or is that just the smiley? :misori:

Anton Misroi: Are you comparin' the sultan of swamp swing to a pasty white dead bullet ridden honky? Brother you have got to have been smokin' some high quality grass to come up with that!

Dear Count Strahd XI: What do you think should be the place of women in comtemporary Barovian society?

[Scarycount]

Strahd: Well, I've actually been thinking about not drinking thier blood. IF I drain them all, there will be none left to make new blood. I always figured there was an unlimited supply of blood, but madame eva peered into the future of Gothic Earth, and their oil problems have made me more cautious.

Dear Easan, can you divide by zero in Vechor?

[Nathan of the FoS]

Dear Easan, can you divide by zero in Vechor?

Dunno, let me try. I'll start on you, shall I?

*squelch*

H'm...dividing someone into zero pieces is quite a bit like disintegrate, but messier.

Dear Nightmare Man, are you really the boss of the Nightmare Court, or are they just humoring you?

[cure]

Dear Nightmare Man, are you really the boss of the Nightmare Court, or are they just humoring you?

Nightmare Man: What!?! Are you suggesting that my existence is just a dark, twisted dream?

Dear Strahd,

Do you ever drop by and see how Leo is doing?

[JinnTolser]

Strahd: Oh, heavens no! He serves the worst tea I've ever had in my entire unlife. And the awkward silences during conversation are enough to make even a vampire blush with embarrassment.

Dear Lemot Sediam Juste:

Have you ever thought of trying your hand at romantic comedies?

[InVinoVeritas]

Juste: Oh, all the time! The Twins of Invidia were separated at birth, found each other, fell in love, then discovered their past! It was hilarious, the way Ronaldo went on a drunken rampage, and Julianna kept trying to commit suicide, only to have each atttempt fail painfully again and again! Oh, my sides were splitting the entire time, while theirs were! Literally!

Dear Yagno Petrovna,
Can you recommend a nice place for a quick bite?

[cure]

Dear Yagno Petrovna,
Can you recommend a nice place for a quick bite?

Yagno: I hear that Weight Watchers has moral and healthy meals, ready for the solar furnance straight out of the box.

Dear Count Strahd XI,

The literary critics have unanimously dismissed your works as being, and I quote, "Barovian propaganda. " Have they treated your endeavours to date fairly? Are they overlooking the profound meaning of your work? Do you suspect that your backwater origins are being held against you?

[WolfKook]

Dear Count Strahd XI,

The literary critics have unanimously dismissed your works as being, and I quote, "Barovian propaganda. " Have they treated your endeavours to date fairly? Are they overlooking the profound meaning of your work? Do you suspect that your backwater origins are being held against you?

"Barovian Propaganda"? Those stupid mortals just can't recognize the full depth and meaning of my writing, my intrincate prose and my honesty and magnificent humbleness in writing my life's story in such a beautiful and profound way, my dear Cure. I guess that to enjoy it to the fullest, one has to read it in a peaceful cottage in the Black Feather inn in Vallaki, overviewing lake Zarovich in the evening, and enjoying a taste of the most delicate "Ye Olde Fampirren" Barovian Ale. Cheers!


Dear Jack Karn,

I was wondering, if the cities in your domain are growing at a steady rate since it was first introduced, and so many years have passed since then, how do you deal with the claustrophobia?

[Leliel]

Well, mainly I just demolish the buildings if they start to crowd me.

It is for that reason that the citizens respect my elbow room.

Dear Azalin:

Does it bother you that, when compared to Strahd, you kinda suck?

[Leliel]

Oops...Double post.

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Dear Azalin:

Does it bother you that, when compared to Strahd, you kinda suck?

Azalin:

Actually, it bothers me when people presume they can say I "kinda suck" with impugnity. As breaking free of this realm to hunt you down for your insolence is posing a wee bit of a problem, I'll have to settle for afflicting you with my dreaded, cross-planar "Double-Post Curse" spell.

(No, my own curse won't stop me from casting such a thing. Didn't you know we had the Internet on Oerth, back when I was alive? I was King of the Flame-Wars long before I was King of the Dead....)



Dear Ivana,

Is making the ermordenung toxic to the touch really such a surefire way to cheat them of a love life? Between all the vampires, golems, undying darklords, and demons that prowl the Core, you'd think they'd eventually find somebody to hook up with who's immune to poison.

[HuManBing]

Ivana writes:

We are thinking the same thought. However, the Dark Powers have seen to it that all the people who are immune to this particular pandemic are gay... so my emordenung still don't get any and/or no satisfaction.

I believe something is similar on your homeworld with the first rumored demographics to exhibit HIV immunity?


Dear Hazlik:

If I met you at a bar, could I push your stool in for you? (Hurr hurr!)

[Scarycount]

Hazlik: I would never go to a bar. If I should get drunk, I might reveal the intricicies of my plan to destroy all the Mulan, and also forget how to spell inticicies. (Hic)

Dear Wilfred Godefory, the head of the most prominant noble house in your land is unbelievably charismatic, but also unbelievebly old to be in a position of authority. So, would you say he's more like John McCain or Barack Obama?