Your wish granted...with a twist (part 2)

[Dhampire]

Granted but, in so doing, now every day except the Day after Thanksgiving (as it now officially called on the calendar) is deemed 'Black'.

Black Monday
Black Tuesday
Black Wednesday
Black Thursday
Black Firday, unless it is, The Day After Thanksgiving
Black Saturday
Black Sunday


I wish for vulcanized steel belted radial snow tires that regenerated.

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Granted. You have your snow tires, as well as a shiny new tricycle to use them on. Should've specified car tires, there...


I wish I didn't have the hiccups. (Hic!)

[JinnTolser]

Granted! You cease to hiccup, as you begin laughing uncontrollably until you pass out from lack of oxygen.

I wish there was something worth watching on network TV at 6:00 p.m. Central time.

[cure]

I wish there was something worth watching on network TV at 6:00 p.m. Central time.

But there is something worth watching. Millions of people and hundreds of advertisers agree. It is just you who has a problem. Which is more than sufficient grounds to have your locked up in a madhouse. Where you wish is granted. For after years of physical and mental torture you at last see the light. What is on is great.

I wish we had a proper guide to the roads and the rivers of the Core.

[JinnTolser]

Granted! You are drawn into the Mists, only to find yourself standing at a crossroads in Valachan. Standing with you is Mary Poppins, who is going to be your guide through the Core. While she's going to be very proper about the whole thing, she's also going to sing ALL THE TIME. Have fun trying to get through Verbrek without attracting attention.

I wish temperatures in Chicago would remain between 50-75 degrees Fahrenheit for the entire winter, following which the weather would act as normal for spring and summer.

[order99]

Granted.

Sadly, Chicago will be under water due to Global Warming...but the Houseboats moored above the decaying remains of the City have GREAT weather...

I wish-that neither the Dark Powers or this board could ruin any further wishes, including this one.

[cure]

I wish-that neither the Dark Powers or this board could ruin any further wishes, including this one.

Granted. The Dark Powers agree to never ruin a wish for any reason whatsoever. Not that they ever had. For what they do is perfect wishes, lending full expression to their simmering potential. And everyone on this board aims at nothing less. But in light of your passionate concern, the Dark Powers take you into the Mists that you make bear witness to this fact with your own eyes throughout all eternity.

I wish that an ever better answer be offered in reply to the wish of order99.

[Sylaire]

Granted! Since this is, after all, a humor thread on an Internet message board, the only way to "ruin" a wish is to make the response unfunny. And since we all have such great senses of humor it's certain that will never happen and we'll continue sadistically twisting wishes for as long as the thread and its inevitable sequels last!

I wish the New England Patriots would be revealed as the devil-worshipping, undead horrors that they obviously are.

[lostboy]

Granted! The New England Patriots and all other despicably evil particpants in the infernal sport are all burnt by the inquistition. All references to this odd version of rugby are removed from history and hence forth it shall be never mentioned again. Which of course goes completely unnoticed everywhere else in the world....

I wish I could cast a circle of protection against Americans to avoid the doubtless stinging attacks coming my way....

[order99]

Granted! Your circle works perfectly-sadly, the Americans now know that you have a perfect defense against them and mark you for execution, lest you give the secret to anyone else. Mercenaries don't have to be American, nor do bioweapons or nukes...

(and yes, my country IS that paranoid, apologies non-American posters)

I wish Lostboy to be pulled into the Mists before the inevetable American retribution.

(hey, beats death-besides, I can still access the Forums from here!)

[JinnTolser]

Granted. Lostboy is pulled into the Mists and granted his own little pocket domain the size of an outhouse for what he does to YOU when he finds out you wished him there.

I wish our Christmas decorations would put themselves up today, and pack themselves away again in January.

[cure]

I wish our Christmas decorations would put themselves up today, and pack themselves away again in January.

Granted! The Dark Powers bring your Christmas decorations to life. Said decorations are happy indeed to put themselves up, and they are delighted by the attention of their fawning, awe inspired audience, but they are very unhappy indeed at the prospect of putting themselves away and being forgotten for 11 months. So to bide themselves over they claim a loved one who is transformed into a very unjolly Santa Claws figurine who swears vengeance upon you.

I wish that world leaders would confess publicly that we have entered the twilight of the age of oil and begin planning seriously for a post petrolium economy.

[alhoon]

I wish that world leaders would confess publicly that we have entered the twilight of the age of oil and begin planning seriously for a post petrolium economy.

They do confess publicly one after the other. Swift measures are to be taken. For start, they decide to reduce the Earth's population to 2 billions instead of 6 that they are now... and do it within 2 weeks.
Now we have oil for 3 times longer.
Just before the army nukes your city, you understand your folly:

We haven't entered the twiling of the age of oil yet. Even with oil costing 25$/barrel we had oil for 10 more years or so. We have oil for about 50-60 years as it is. The reason for the increadible inflation is political/economical.
More or less it is: "Since you buy it so expensively, we sell it so expensively accusing others for the price, refusing the blame."
Well, we will have oil for 150-180 years now.

I wish that the world leaders would understand that 100$/barrel of crude oil is increadibly high and put polics aside to force the oil companies to sell it at a more reasonable price of 30-40$/ barrel... they will still making huge profits out of it.

[cure]

I wish that the world leaders would understand that 100$/barrel of crude oil is increadibly high and put polics aside to force the oil companies to sell it at a more reasonable pri.ce of 30-40$/ barrel... they will still making huge profits out of it.

Granted. Jimmy Carter is the surprise Democratic nominee and easily wins the Presidency. Whereupon he, in concert with other world leaders, introduces said price control and is hailed for making the world safe for SUV's everywhere. Available gasoline, however, sells out within a week, provoking Soviet era lineups at gas pumps around the world. At the same time oil exploration ceases as does development and production at all but the lowest cost fields. Matters take a turn for the worst when a Korean born American diet guru, enraged at his inability to get gas for his stable of Hummers, assasinates the President. Hillary Clinton, the former Vice-President and now President, blames China for the crime and the American and Chinese fleets steam on the Persian Gulf, with each country accusing the other of intending the seizure for itself of the supertankers and oil fields. A limited nuclear war, possibly engineered by Russia although some whisper the French, engulfs the fleets, the supertankers, and the region's oil fields, leaving Russia the world's largest producer, pushing blackmarket oil prices to 666 euro a barrel, and provoking millions of god-fearing Christian motorists to engage in an orgy of senseless rioting under the cover of their conviction that the Antichrist walks among them. Gradually, under the iron leadership of Russian President for life and acting UN Chief Vladimir Putin, a quasi-free market is restored for the pricing of oil, prices stabilise at 350 euro a barrel, and Russia uses its windfall to out spend year in and year out the entire world on its rearmament. On the bright side, the mini-nuclear winter and depression does markedly slow down global warming.

I wish us all a bright and cheery future.

[lostboy]

Granted! A mid level "blue sky thinker" at one the various aid charities around the world comes up wiht an idea to put together a cmapaign to raise enourmous amounts of money so every man, woman and child can have bright cheerful mittens to protect them from the cold of the winter and lack of heating. They hope this will make everyone as bright and cheerful as the mittens and thereby create world peace. Unfortunatly it doesnt....

I wish my car would start this morning.