Café de Nuit

Granted. Unfortunately, you greet everyone for the wrong season. We all wonder why you say "happy summer," and give you strange looks for the rest of the year.

I wish I could have twisted that wish better.

Granted! You twist the wish with such excruciating brilliance and such twisted humor that everyone is awed by your ability. Unfortunately, when cure goes stark, staring mad from the tormenting, delicate cruelty of it that slices at his thoughts like tiny slivers of glass behind his eyes, you are overcome by crushing remorse and are reduced to being a tormented recluse, forever lamenting the moment of weakness in which you made the wish.

I wish the Christmas bonus I got today represented a new increase in weekly salary.

Granted! You get a weekly raise roughly equal to the bonus you received. However, it's off the book, and the IRS audits you and throws you into jail for tax evasion.

I wish everyone a Merry Christmas (or other holiday of their choice).

JinnTolser wrote:I wish everyone a Merry Christmas (or other holiday of their choice).

Granted! The Midnight Slasher is moved to tears by you wishing her a Merry Slashmas and by way of thanx delays carving you into little pieces until Boxing Day.

I wish we had stats for the Dread Elf Pirate of Lake Baratok.

PS One of his signature items is a cursed Blow Dryer of Power Styling which afflicts its possessor with delusional madness.

Granted!

You now have Stats for the Dread Elf Pirate of Lake Baratok.
Sadly, you now have the stats for the Dread Elf Pirate of Lake Baratok.

I wish for inexpensive, legal high-speed internet access for my Mac...yes, i'm on dial-up....

order99 wrote:Granted!

You now have Stats for the Dread Elf Pirate of Lake Baratok.
Sadly, you now have the stats for the Dread Elf Pirate of Lake Baratok.

Well twisted! well twisted!

order99 wrote: I wish for inexpensive, legal high-speed internet access for my Mac...yes, i'm on dial-up....

The horror! The horror!

Granted. You now have a wifi card that alllows you to leach off your neighbors high speed. Sadly. the connection keeps resetting itself and your CPU keeps freezing like mine does.

I wish I had the guts to post one of my own wishes.

Granted. A knock sounds at the door; you answer to discover a cardboard box that's moist on the bottom. You open it to discover... human entrails. Now you have all the guts you'll ever need!

I wish cable was free.

Granted. Cable is free. However, due to loss of income, there's no programmes anymore.

I wish for inspiration for the story I'm writing.

Granted. When you are sleeping you have the most amazing idea for your story. You wake up and start writing it down all excited about it. You barely eat and sleep for a couple of days in order to finish it. When finally you gather your friends to play you find out thatyour players think that your story is very complicated and decide that they don't want to play it!

I wish I knew a way to not have hang over when I drink a lot!

Granted, you drink milk. Lots of milk. Nothing but milk. Milk with ketchup.

I wish ninjas would attack the local McDonald's.

Granted, an elite strike force of shadow warriors beseiges your local McDonalds. Unfortunatley they ahve chosen the exact day McDonalds start selling their new ethnically inspired Japanese menu, complete with the McNinja burger. Far from destroying the aforementioned eaterie the ninjas are mistaken for actors at the launch and are forced into entertaining fat kids for all enternity... well until next month when McDonalds brings you the McDread Elf Pirate Nugetts meal.... (with free plastic Capn Strahd toy!)

I wish January didnt suck so much.

Granted! All the suckage that presently possesses January will be forthwith moved into late December. Thanks for ruining Christmas!

I wish that I had more time to work on writing.

I wish Sylaire had made a wish in the last post.

Granted! Unfortunately, it was a completely lame wish, and now when you try to answer it you'll have to supply all the creative ingenuity to make it funny. Even more unfortunately, stressing over it causes you to pop a blood vessel in the brain and leaves the left side of your body completely paralyzed except for the third toe.

I wish that I could remember to do routine things like make wishes in this thread.

Granted! The Dark Powers hear your wish, and transform you into an automaton. You never fail to complete your routine tasks, but you no longer have any sort of imagination or even independent thought.

I wish this writer's strike thing would get resolved before TV ends up being nothing but reality shows.