QTR 29 - comments and reviews

[IanFordam]

Maybe I should create a timeline...? ^^; Or just a listing of the various articles going into this thing I'm making and which issues of Quoth the Raven they can be found in?
If it helps at all, I've written Mistipedia articles on most of what I've got up so far.

I've been thinking about this. Perhaps a Mistipedia entry which is specifically designed as an introduction to the concepts which you've been developing? It could provide references to the relevant QtR articles and links to more detailed pages, but I'm thinking that the main content would be a high-level summary of the people and creatures and societies and how they interrelate.

How's this? Is it helpful at all, or does it need something else or something more?

Yeah, that's very much the sort of thing I had in mind! Thanks for putting this together, Rock.

[Jeremy16]

Secrets of Freedom

This is an interesting entry that I didn't think I'd like at first. Usually, if a story starts in a different campaign setting I check out very quickly. But, the fairytale beginning pulled me and the post-modern twist in the relationship between Colmar and Evanar hooked me. The concept of the multiverse is used to good effect here as a original motivation for yet another secret socity trying to acquire forbidden power for its own secretive purpose.

I was originally blasé about that, because there's so many of those groups running around the Demiplane already, but I must be mellowing in my old age because I say there's room in Ravenloft for eccentrics like these. I like that their goal is altruistic at its heart and not at all focused on “taking over the world” like other groups I can think of.

The Plan is such a good throwback to the sci-fi concepts of the 1950s – where every new planet discovered was just there to be stripped of resources once the resident Bug-Eyed Monster was dispatched. If the multiverse were real, I could see how someone would want to “monetize” it for their own benefit like the goal here.

I also like how this group's intentions are pure but members are so obsessed with the plan and keeping it a secret that they could easily be confused with other more evil secret socieites by PCs. And, of course, any group working on an escape from the Demiplane is sure to draw the attention of several darklords, so there's plenty of ways to introduce them into your campaign (as seen in the Adventure Hooks and DPs provided).

Secrets of Pharazia

This entry was over too soon. I loved the Gazetteer style survey of the domain, but it feels like an introduction only. Just as I was getting into it, it ended. Very well done, tho'!

Secrets of Privilege

The Cornerstone Foundation reminds me of the Mafia, or Murder Inc. or a half dozen other organized crime gangs. It's yet another group trying to take over the world (the more the merrier, I say) but it begs the question - if almost every domain already has a ruling class within it what more can they take control over that they haven't already?

I'm not comfortable with this article because it cuts too close to home for me. Evil businessmen are a dime a dozen and this doesn't seem scary, just depressing. I could just read any news website for current headlines about powerful people doing awful things and I don't really want to inject that level of reality into my game.

Still, it's another in a long like of organizations with a secret agenda and we can never have enough of those. Some people might say X, Y, or Z group does it better, but I think the more groups we have like this the more interesting we make it for PCs. They can't immediately pigeonhole someone by saying something like, “Oh, they want to rule the world? That must mean they're a Fraternity of Shadows agent.” It muddies the water just enough to keep players on their toes and not assume too much.

Secrets of the Starving Land

This is another in a series of articles from Ian Fordam that expands upon this out of the way domain. Ian, I say you should just bite the bullet, combine all your articles, expand them a bit, and put out your own dang G'Henna gazetteer!

Brotherhood of Bones – this is okay, but I would have loved a DP with one of these guys trying to resurrected “The Provider” once more. Perhaps you can work on a Return of Malastroi adventure next?

Rock Goats – This is a very novel concept, taking the “fainting” goats one step further.

Green Valley Vineyard – As someone who wrote a whole article on creepy vineyards I'm delighted by this.

Heretic's Egress – I'm a sucker for mistways, and I liked the trick to navigating this one.

The Pride Eater

The story was a good introduction to this character, but his origin rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure why, but it seems kinda clunky.

I guess the problem I have is that the mist connection was not made clear during his life so when he became a crimson mist after his death it seemed a little out of left field. One or two lines about how his growing powers (such as transforming people into Mongrelmen) being granted by the mists or DPs or something would have foreshadowed things better. I also didn't like that his memory was erased during his conversion into a crimson mist. I would think that his torment would be greater and his focus on consuming the “pride” of his victims would make more sense if he retained his personality.

There are a few key things that I like, tho'. The fact that there is someone else out there that can create Mongrelmen is creepy. Just imagine being a PC who thinks they escaped Yagno just to come across this thing out in the desert! I also like that he can create his own minions and send them off against his old foes (Yagno and Jugo); that makes surviving an encounter with him more likely. (This is always a challenge when creating such powerful creatures.) On that note, I think his Grant Vengeance ability should be treated more like the old school Geas spell.

[Mephisto of the FoS]

The Pride Eater

The story was a good introduction to this character, but his origin rubs me the wrong way. I'm not sure why, but it seems kinda clunky.

Did you notice that too?
I know what you mean, I think... When I wrote the Pride Eater's background I felt something missing...

I guess the problem I have is that the mist connection was not made clear during his life so when he became a crimson mist after his death it seemed a little out of left field.

Maybe it is this, but I thought that his "pact" when he was tortured was enough for him to sell his soul for escape and become a mist creature. As an ultra narcissist an "emotional vampire" I thought it was fitting for him to be a Crimson Death feeding on others personalities.

I also didn't like that his memory was erased during his conversion into a crimson mist. I would think that his torment would be greater and his focus on consuming the “pride” of his victims would make more sense if he retained his personality.

I found this from a 4e homebrew version of the Crimson Death and I liked it, it fitted perfectly with the sound of his voice (made of the sound of many people whispering) and his draining Charisma (personality) ability, which has made him lost his original after feeding of so many personalities. Then the other idea was of the Pride Eater not having a sense of self, a deviation of the Buddhist concept of "no-self", since G'Henna is inspired by Tibet.

On that note, I think his Grant Vengeance ability should be treated more like the old school Geas spell.

Well this power exists as it is in VRGttMists, your suggestion is good though.

[IanFordam]

Secrets of Pharazia

This entry was over too soon. I loved the Gazetteer style survey of the domain, but it feels like an introduction only. Just as I was getting into it, it ended. Very well done, tho'!

I scrambled to put this article together over the last weekend that submissions were accepted. Perhaps next year I'll write up some of the material that I didn't have time to include. Because, yeah, I really was just getting started.

Secrets of the Starving Land

This is another in a series of articles from Ian Fordam that expands upon this out of the way domain. Ian, I say you should just bite the bullet, combine all your articles, expand them a bit, and put out your own dang G'Henna gazetteer!

Brotherhood of Bones – this is okay, but I would have loved a DP with one of these guys trying to resurrected “The Provider” once more. Perhaps you can work on a Return of Malastroi adventure next?

Heh. That would have been an excellent idea for a Dread Possibility. Or, as you say, an entire adventure...

The Lady Fordam's response to your suggestion: "DO IT!!!"

Rock Goats – This is a very novel concept, taking the “fainting” goats one step further.

The rock goats were primarily inspired by a family vacation to the American west. In Glacier National Park we found ourselves playing a game we called "Is that a rock or is that a goat?" I decided, Why not both? But, yes, the fainting goats definitely factored in there too.

Incidentally, Zion National Park looks a lot like how I imagine the Jackal's Run to be.

Green Valley Vineyard – As someone who wrote a whole article on creepy vineyards I'm delighted by this.

Heretic's Egress – I'm a sucker for mistways, and I liked the trick to navigating this one.

As always, thank you very much for your feedback.

[Rock of the Fraternity]

Secrets of Freedom

This is an interesting entry that I didn't think I'd like at first. Usually, if a story starts in a different campaign setting I check out very quickly. But, the fairytale beginning pulled me and the post-modern twist in the relationship between Colmar and Evanar hooked me. The concept of the multiverse is used to good effect here as a original motivation for yet another secret socity trying to acquire forbidden power for its own secretive purpose.

Well, thank you very much for the compliment! ^_^

I was originally blasé about that, because there's so many of those groups running around the Demiplane already, but I must be mellowing in my old age because I say there's room in Ravenloft for eccentrics like these. I like that their goal is altruistic at its heart and not at all focused on “taking over the world” like other groups I can think of.

If all we inject into the Demiplane of Dread is straight-up evil and horrible, we stray into the territory of existential, rather than gothic horror, I always say. From time to time you need to put in people with genuine good intentions (and the mistakes they make that have horrible results).

The Plan is such a good throwback to the sci-fi concepts of the 1950s – where every new planet discovered was just there to be stripped of resources once the resident Bug-Eyed Monster was dispatched. If the multiverse were real, I could see how someone would want to “monetize” it for their own benefit like the goal here.

I wasn't even thinking of those. ^^; But yeah, I can see it.

I also like how this group's intentions are pure but members are so obsessed with the plan and keeping it a secret that they could easily be confused with other more evil secret socieites by PCs. And, of course, any group working on an escape from the Demiplane is sure to draw the attention of several darklords, so there's plenty of ways to introduce them into your campaign (as seen in the Adventure Hooks and DPs provided).

Another fun way they could be used is as a kind of adventurers' Q-Branch. The Sevenstrings are always making stuff and want good contacts with fellow Outlanders, so they could be really helpful.

[Rock of the Fraternity]

Secrets of Privilege

The Cornerstone Foundation reminds me of the Mafia, or Murder Inc. or a half dozen other organized crime gangs. It's yet another group trying to take over the world (the more the merrier, I say) but it begs the question - if almost every domain already has a ruling class within it what more can they take control over that they haven't already?

My line of thought here was that there are wealthy commoners, kings and such: all limitations on how free the noble class is to run roughshod over everyone else's liberties. The Cornerstone Foundation wants a world where the ruling class rules absolutely, with all the 'lesser people' as slaves with zero rights, and no one stands above them.

I'm not comfortable with this article because it cuts too close to home for me. Evil businessmen are a dime a dozen and this doesn't seem scary, just depressing. I could just read any news website for current headlines about powerful people doing awful things and I don't really want to inject that level of reality into my game.

That is totally fair. My concept for the Cornerstone Foundation was less 'evil businessmen', though, and more 'evil Freemasons'. Rather than a secret qabal of intellectuals like the Fraternity of Shadows, they're a qabal of ritual-observing rich folks who justify their wicked deeds with words like 'tradition' and 'lineage'. The fact their rituals carry actual power is just one more factor spurring their overall evil.

Still, it's another in a long like of organizations with a secret agenda and we can never have enough of those. Some people might say X, Y, or Z group does it better, but I think the more groups we have like this the more interesting we make it for PCs. They can't immediately pigeonhole someone by saying something like, “Oh, they want to rule the world? That must mean they're a Fraternity of Shadows agent.” It muddies the water just enough to keep players on their toes and not assume too much.

Not to mention, as I said in the article, PCs might find themselves working for the Foundation at one point or another; nobles are forever hiring adventurers as troubleshooters. A sufficiently cunning and determined player who gets into the Foundation might even be able to channel all that prestige and wealth in a more benevolent direction; adventurers are forever tricking nobles, after all.

[Jeremy16]

Secrets of Shadows


Chapter 1: The Seed

The article starts nice and slow with the origin of the Red Haunt's and Tressac's collaboration. I will say that I would have liked a quick synopsis on the Red Haunt's history, personality and overall goals placed here for new readers.

Chapter 2: The Flower

This is where things start to get complicated. A secret society that meets every 4 years at different sites is a nice framework, but now there is a schizophrenic demon, a power-mad undead, and a legendary lich (Wormchild) all thrown together. Normally, I could see any one of these figures leading such a cabal, but I think bringing such strong personalities together would result in more than just “an exchange of ideas”.

In order for these solitary monsters to band together the reward has to be much greater than what they could achieve on their own. And while that is eventually what it turns into, I don't think it would start so amicably. Their epic powers and personalities don't really seem to shine thru because the author is too busy trying to move all the chess pieces to their correct spot in order to get to a pre-determined outcome.

Plus, gathering knowledge for knowledge-sake isn't really how learning works – there is always an ulterior motive like increased profits or prestige. I know Tressac's goal of finding Irul is stated several times, but it is never explained how all this newfound information is actually helping him get there. Having these meetings eventually devolve into a supernatural popularity contest seems rather juvenile.

I guess what I'm saying is while I love a good monster mash, but this just doesn't seem epic enough considering the powerful entities involved.

Scion of Irul Prestige Class

I don't see the sense in creating two different prestige classes for the same group, especially when the Centurion of the Night prestige class literally supersedes this one later in the article. Were you trying set up a scenario where the “old guard” Scions of Irul wage a low-key war with the “new-fangled” Centurions of the Night?

DP: Irul Exists

I like this dread possibility a lot. It is a fitting end to a rather bloody career. I especially like Tressac's darklord curse.

Chapter 3: The Thorn

So, the author has introduced and disposed of an interesting, original character in Tressac and the article now is fully turned over to detailing the further adventures of the Red Haunt once again. This would be another good place to insert a short rundown of our favorite Devoratrix for unitiated readers.

Centurions of the Night

I like the Irul Society's sudden transformation into the Centurions of Night. It reflects how group dynamics work in real life. You always have outliers and splinter groups, and a core faction that remains active even if they change appearance or strategies throughout the years.

However...

I think the author is trying to have his cake and eat it too. These guys are portrayed as evil, but not over-the-top evil. But, the author also wants them to be this powerful force banded together in a common cause. I don't know, maybe I'm biased, but I don't expect bad guys to work together for very long before their own personal obsessions destroy such an alliance (I dub that the Stan Lee Super-Villain Team-Up Principle).

DP: The Unimaginal Prisoner

This all powerful deus ex machina is introduced rather nonchalantly. Like, how does something like this even come into existence? It's described as a sort of self-perpetuating energy source - imagine what these uber-powerful characters could do with something like that – anyone want to power up the Riftspanner or take the Apparatus for a test run? (Me, I just imagine an army of skeletons carrying lightsabers into battle.)

But no, they just use it to burn things. I understand giving them an edge against the Dark Powers, but I would have liked an illustration of how it can be used (such as what exactly would happen if a darklord is zapped by it). Show us how awesome it is, don't just tell us!

Centurion of the Night Prestige Class

I love the Inferna and different ways Un-Fire can be manifested. It does seem, however, that the Scions of Irul are in the little leagues in comparison to this bunch.

DP: The Spreading Fire

This presents an interesting scenario but it is literally too “out there” to affect happenings in Ravenloft.

The Centurion NPC

I like the Red Haunt's epiphany regarding the Dark Powers but I don't really agree with her conclusion to try and wrest control of it all for herself. It seems like only a half-baked idea. Does she have any clue what the DPs truly are? How is she gonna fight them? Can they even be “killed”? If they are killed will the Demiplane still exist? These are just a few questions I would love to hear her answers for, because without them this seems like just another fool's quest.


Overall

Wading into Rock's Red Haunt saga is daunting (one of the reasons I haven't reviewed his articles in previous QTRS) but I have tried my best.

I think one of the problems I have with this inter-connected series is that Ravenloft is such a hard campaign setting to do epic level stuff and it strains my supsension of disbelief so much that it gets in the way of my enjoying it.

Tressac and his search for Irul is an interesting hook, but doesn't feel fully realized either. Even the Spaniards obsessed with finding El Dorado weren't trying to discover the city of gold because it was so fabulous – they wanted to find the gold and make themselves rich! What is Tressac's endgame? In the end, this part of the story left me cold and reminded me too much of that elven ghost, Tristen Mistwalker, from the Grim Harvest boxed set.

I did like the constant intrigue and contests between the Red Haunt and Tressac for control of the society. I just didn't find either of their visions that compelling (her trying to overturn the DPs and him leading an undead horde to the Promised Land).

Convoluted doesn't even begin to describe it, but I'll be damned if this small glimpse into Rock's world didn't pique my interest! (I did have to read a few entries in the Mistpedia first to find my way, tho'.) I know I am harping on this, but to paraphrase something once said about comics – treat every article like it is someone's first! Please, please, please include a quick synopsis of your key players upfront so everyone can follow along and enjoy the shenannigans the Red Haunt gets up to!

[Rock of the Fraternity]

Secrets of Shadows


Chapter 1: The Seed

The article starts nice and slow with the origin of the Red Haunt's and Tressac's collaboration. I will say that I would have liked a quick synopsis on the Red Haunt's history, personality and overall goals placed here for new readers.

Chapter 2: The Flower

This is where things start to get complicated. A secret society that meets every 4 years at different sites is a nice framework, but now there is a schizophrenic demon, a power-mad undead, and a legendary lich (Wormchild) all thrown together. Normally, I could see any one of these figures leading such a cabal, but I think bringing such strong personalities together would result in more than just “an exchange of ideas”.

In order for these solitary monsters to band together the reward has to be much greater than what they could achieve on their own. And while that is eventually what it turns into, I don't think it would start so amicably. Their epic powers and personalities don't really seem to shine thru because the author is too busy trying to move all the chess pieces to their correct spot in order to get to a pre-determined outcome.

Plus, gathering knowledge for knowledge-sake isn't really how learning works – there is always an ulterior motive like increased profits or prestige. I know Tressac's goal of finding Irul is stated several times, but it is never explained how all this newfound information is actually helping him get there. Having these meetings eventually devolve into a supernatural popularity contest seems rather juvenile.

I guess what I'm saying is while I love a good monster mash, but this just doesn't seem epic enough considering the powerful entities involved.

The motivation for most of the Scions, at least the way I saw it, is that they were the 'losers' of the supernatural world: solitary, not by choice; perceiving themselves as too weak or too hated to integrate with their own kind; unable or unwilling to dwell among other species.
The Scions don't gather just for the sake of knowledge itself, but for knowledge and tools that help them get by, help them survive and improve their position in the Demiplane. Also for some like-minded companionship, no matter how untrustworthy and brief.

Scion of Irul Prestige Class

I don't see the sense in creating two different prestige classes for the same group, especially when the Centurion of the Night prestige class literally supersedes this one later in the article. Were you trying set up a scenario where the “old guard” Scions of Irul wage a low-key war with the “new-fangled” Centurions of the Night?

If someone wants to dabble their fingers in the continuity I've been creating but does not want to go full Centurion, this is their chance. Also, while the Centurions 'evolved' out of the Scions, they are distinct groups with distinct motivations: the Scions want to survive the Demiplane; the Centurions want to take over.

DP: Irul Exists

I like this dread possibility a lot. It is a fitting end to a rather bloody career. I especially like Tressac's darklord curse.

Thank you kindly. In hindsight, I kind of regret trapping Tressac in one place, though. He might've been useful 'in the wild', as it were.

Chapter 3: The Thorn

So, the author has introduced and disposed of an interesting, original character in Tressac and the article now is fully turned over to detailing the further adventures of the Red Haunt once again. This would be another good place to insert a short rundown of our favorite Devoratrix for unitiated readers.

Centurions of the Night

I like the Irul Society's sudden transformation into the Centurions of Night. It reflects how group dynamics work in real life. You always have outliers and splinter groups, and a core faction that remains active even if they change appearance or strategies throughout the years.

However...

I think the author is trying to have his cake and eat it too. These guys are portrayed as evil, but not over-the-top evil. But, the author also wants them to be this powerful force banded together in a common cause. I don't know, maybe I'm biased, but I don't expect bad guys to work together for very long before their own personal obsessions destroy such an alliance (I dub that the Stan Lee Super-Villain Team-Up Principle).

The Centurions try to compensate for colliding egos. Members are free to pursue their own agendas and 'de-stress', just so long as this does not conflict woth Centurion business. And the prize - basically godhood - is very seductive.

DP: The Unimaginal Prisoner

This all powerful deus ex machina is introduced rather nonchalantly. Like, how does something like this even come into existence? It's described as a sort of self-perpetuating energy source - imagine what these uber-powerful characters could do with something like that – anyone want to power up the Riftspanner or take the Apparatus for a test run? (Me, I just imagine an army of skeletons carrying lightsabers into battle.)

But no, they just use it to burn things. I understand giving them an edge against the Dark Powers, but I would have liked an illustration of how it can be used (such as what exactly would happen if a darklord is zapped by it). Show us how awesome it is, don't just tell us!

Wait for it; the last word has not been written about Un-Fire. And though the Centurions can wield it, they don't know everything about it.

Centurion of the Night Prestige Class

I love the Inferna and different ways Un-Fire can be manifested. It does seem, however, that the Scions of Irul are in the little leagues in comparison to this bunch.

That was kind of the point. ^^; You need to be higher level to be a Centurion, and where Centurions pack a punch and have military applications, the Scions are mostly about having better chances of survival and running away.

The Centurion NPC

I like the Red Haunt's epiphany regarding the Dark Powers but I don't really agree with her conclusion to try and wrest control of it all for herself. It seems like only a half-baked idea. Does she have any clue what the DPs truly are? How is she gonna fight them? Can they even be “killed”? If they are killed will the Demiplane still exist? These are just a few questions I would love to hear her answers for, because without them this seems like just another fool's quest.

The Centurions aren't just attacking blindly. They're laying plans and testing the waters, gathering all kinds of lore. Stay tuned...

Overall

Wading into Rock's Red Haunt saga is daunting (one of the reasons I haven't reviewed his articles in previous QTRS) but I have tried my best.

I think one of the problems I have with this inter-connected series is that Ravenloft is such a hard campaign setting to do epic level stuff and it strains my supsension of disbelief so much that it gets in the way of my enjoying it.

Tressac and his search for Irul is an interesting hook, but doesn't feel fully realized either. Even the Spaniards obsessed with finding El Dorado weren't trying to discover the city of gold because it was so fabulous – they wanted to find the gold and make themselves rich! What is Tressac's endgame? In the end, this part of the story left me cold and reminded me too much of that elven ghost, Tristen Mistwalker, from the Grim Harvest boxed set.

I did like the constant intrigue and contests between the Red Haunt and Tressac for control of the society. I just didn't find either of their visions that compelling (her trying to overturn the DPs and him leading an undead horde to the Promised Land).

Convoluted doesn't even begin to describe it, but I'll be damned if this small glimpse into Rock's world didn't pique my interest! (I did have to read a few entries in the Mistpedia first to find my way, tho'.) I know I am harping on this, but to paraphrase something once said about comics – treat every article like it is someone's first! Please, please, please include a quick synopsis of your key players upfront so everyone can follow along and enjoy the shenannigans the Red Haunt gets up to!

Thank you for the in-depth analysis.
I can see I rushed some parts of the article and didn't do it full justice in some areas.

As for that intro... For what it's worth, I have been working on something right here. I'd be interested to know what you think of it.

[Wolfglide of the Fraternity]

Plus, gathering knowledge for knowledge-sake isn't really how learning works – there is always an ulterior motive like increased profits or prestige.

I would argue that this is an effect of the system supporting knowledge gathering, rather than knowledge gathering itself. I have met academics who don't really care if something has practical applications---interesting things are worth learning about just because they are interesting. However, hiring and promotion is usually based on publication and attracting grant money, so if one cannot sell one's research as important, one will have trouble climbing the ladder.

That said, applications, profits, and prestige are easier motivations to grasp and explain, so a lot of knowledge gatherers will learn them from society and administration. I personally sometimes struggle with pure math, since the textbooks often don't motivate the study well.

Anyway, digression over.

[Speedwagon]

Secrets of the Starving Land

This is another in a series of articles from Ian Fordam that expands upon this out of the way domain. Ian, I say you should just bite the bullet, combine all your articles, expand them a bit, and put out your own dang G'Henna gazetteer!

Brotherhood of Bones – this is okay, but I would have loved a DP with one of these guys trying to resurrected “The Provider” once more. Perhaps you can work on a Return of Malastroi adventure next?

Heh. That would have been an excellent idea for a Dread Possibility. Or, as you say, an entire adventure...

The Lady Fordam's response to your suggestion: "DO IT!!!"

I agree with the Lady Fordam: a G'Henna gazetteer from you or an adventure or anything more, really, would be lovely!

[IanFordam]

I agree with the Lady Fordam: a G'Henna gazetteer from you or an adventure or anything more, really, would be lovely!

Fear not, Speedwagon. I have plans. PLANS, I tell you! MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

[Baron Von Stanton]

I agree with the Lady Fordam: a G'Henna gazetteer from you or an adventure or anything more, really, would be lovely!

Fear not, Speedwagon. I have plans. PLANS, I tell you! MUAHAHAHAHAHA.

Since it's for G'Henna, remember put in an order for takeout in your plans.

[Jeremy16]

Secrets of the Twisted Tower


Intro

I'm a sucker for a good excerpt and love that this article starts with one. Good job!

The cabal of devil worshippers, their origins, and their weather-related powers are very well presented, reading almost like a real life history. The same goes for the dragon lore (and their well-known affinity with water) that is laid on very thick here.

However, I think a majority of this info dump should have been broken up and sprinkled throughout the rest of the article instead of all at the beginning. There is a lot to digest here – wizards that commune with the dead, secret underground complexes, evil idols, and dragons that can summon lightning and rain. All of that is really good stuff, but I don't feel like I had time to enjoy it before the next novel concept came along!

The same goes for the Teufelmonance school. Its history is glossed over a little too quickly. The author started off perfectly by going over the long history of Teudeldorf and the legend of how it got its name; why not go into detail about how the Neureni built up their devil-worshiping cult and how the Twisting Tower was actually built? It would also have been nice to see how the school changed how it operated starting from ancient history, up through Gundar's reign, and after Strahd's annexation more naturally as the article progressed. Perhaps the history section could be split in two – one detailing the “official” history as viewed by outsiders and then its secret “true” history.

Besides that, this introduction does a nice job of introducing all the elements that the author expands upon later.


The Zagazmonari

While I like the concept, I am confused on how this group operates.

I understand that seven students enter the tower and only one leaves in the end, but what happens afterwards? Does the lone survivor and the current Vremenar (who I assume is the “teacher” of these classes) fight it out for the leadership position? Or does this prize student wanders off and does his own thing? Is there only one Zagazmonari at one time or many? I assume the author's answer would be many based off the DPs later on in the article but I still don't understand why would the Vremenar go through all this effort to train up his successor who he knows will eventually kill him? That seems like a dumb thing to do.

Also, if the author is going to tie this group to Irlek-Khan and the Cult of Erlin he should explain these two religions better. How is a Zagazmonari different than a priest? I know in ancient times a prophet and a priest could easily be confused by superstitious peasants, but I feel like the distinction should be a little bit clearer here.

Also also, how is a secretive, demon-worshiping cult so open about their recruiting? That seems a little against the image the author is building here. An illustration of the types of tests prospective students have to go thru would have been nice here, too.

I do like how the author points out that this group were agents of Duke Gundar, but would have liked this relationship expanded upon and also their role in society after Strahd's takeover explained. (I know this is gone over elsewhere in the article, but I think here would have been a better spot to do that.)

Zagazmonari Prestige Class


I love Dark Speech and its creepy effects. I also like all the smoke- and air-related abilities. Very atmospheric. I do have a question about the Summon Least Fiend ability... isn't planar transportation a no-no in Ravenloft still? Because if not, I have a few nasty idea for fiendish summoners of my own!


The Twisting Tower

The description of this edifice is interesting, but I feel like the author skimped on its actual origin. Tell me more about the demon-possessed idol!


Zagazmonari Training

The winnowing down of initiates is a nice twist, but once again, if only one person survives out of every class, and every class lasts for 7 years, how can such a small group have any kind of significant impact? Would there even be enough Zagazmonari to warrant the following Dread Possibilities?


Dread Possibilities

The Exiles – Exactly how many survivors are we talking about? Is the author saying that Strahd's takeover happened before the last class could be pared down? If so, are they even full-fledged Zagazmonari? I like the idea of them hiding as beggars but this scenario doesn't seem plausible.

The Headless Snake – This info should have been relayed under the history of the Twisting Tower section instead of as a Dread Possibility.

The Talking Statue – Again, the first half of this entry should have been relayed under the history of the Twisting Tower section. I like the idea of the statue's reality wrinkle and Inijara's involvement is a great idea. But I would rather this be part of the overall history of the place instead of just a side story.


The Book of Zagazmonari

This thing would make a good MacGuffin for any number of adventures.


Dread Possibilities

The Avatar of Erlin - I really like the image of this mysterious figure haunting the lakeshore. Did I miss the part where this guy was set free after his handlers were scattered by Strahd? Why exactly is he showing up now?

Balaur the Seven Headed Dragon – I feel like a lot of this info should have been given under the history of Teudeldorf to start the article off better. I like how the “youth” and the “dragon” are two sides of the same coin.


Balaur NPC Stats

I am noticing a theme in Mephisto's article of having The Mists ™ acting as a unique force in origins and creature abilities (see also The Pride Eater article). Is there a reason for this?

A lot has been said about how the Vremenar can ride the dragon (which is a great image), but where did this come from? Why not describe a notable sighting to make it more concrete instead of just rumors?


Overall

There's a lot of neat ideas presented here– a secret school of magic, a demon-possessed idol, and a legendary dragon-like creature – but I think I think the article itself could be put together better to make it seem more coherent instead of bouncing around from one subject to the next. I really feel like each one deserved a little more time in the limelight than it got.

There's a whole lot of real world dragon lore weaved into the article and I appreciate that. And I love that the two main “villains” are a dragon and a demon, not the usual vampire or werewolf.

This is exactly what I was hoping for when I heard Mephisto was expanding the lore around this notable landmark!

[Jeremy16]

I'm a Goldilocks kind of guy and want my references to past materials to be just right.

Where was I wrong?
Did I miswrite information from canon?

Too many references to older (or inaccessible) material can make your content too dense for new readers (see Alan Moore's later League of Extraordinary Gentlemen volumes for instance).

But, too little connection to previously established characters and storylines is too jarring. I like a good mix of new things (NPCs, locations, monsters, etc.) while at the same time honoring canon (you know, just like the Kargatane did with the Ravenloft Gazetteers).

Basically, I think of us both as kindred souls - we like plucking a one-line mention from an old adventure or sourcebook and expanding it into something that can stand on its own. I just think you lay it on so thick sometimes that your articles should include footnotes about your sources so readers like me can get all the references.

It's a fine line, because relying too much on canon sources can make it seem like you don't have any ideas of your own (which I know is not true for you based on your output on this site). It's just something to keep in mind for future endeavors.

[Jeremy16]

Thank you for the in-depth analysis.
I can see I rushed some parts of the article and didn't do it full justice in some areas.

As for that intro... For what it's worth, I have been working on something right here. I'd be interested to know what you think of it.

I've read thru some of your Mistpedia entries and guess what... I think it needs to be pared down a bit. I know... I know... that's not really shocking based off my constantly repeated "less is more" mantra. But with 11 personalites/children and counting, I think a timeline is too fragmented to get across the grand scope you are aiming for.

A more organic description of the when and how each personality developed (and how they interact throughout the years) is more of what I'm looking for, not just a utilitarian list of people and places. The way I see it, the Red Haunt is the trunk that all the limbs (her various split personalities and diabolical schemes) branch off of. A few paragraphs for each aspect should be enough to convey what makes them unique. We don't need dozens of links to different entries; that just diffuses the storyline too much and makes it harder for new readers to understand what's going on.

Still I admire all your the effort and enthusiasm.