Café de Nuit

Britney Spears' Toxic (which I didn't really hear except a couple times, particularly last night during one of the new Doctor Who episodes) would be a curiously appropriate ermordenung theme song.

Hey, I saw that Dr. Who episode too.
Somehow the most anyoying pop songs sound interesting when blasted from a intergalactic jukebox, while orbiting the burning ruins of earth.

Wow.


umm...I'm sorry you have so much time on your hands?


Either that or a knack for drole connections. However the idea of throwing Britney Spears into a pit of deadly snakes doesn't sounds like a bad idea at all.

The snakes might not agree.

Undead Cabbage wrote:Wow.


umm...I'm sorry you have so much time on your hands?

Eh, insomnia + curiosity == odd thoughts. At some point listening to the song I spiraled off into the bizarre mental image of a darklord nightclub (not that they can actually ever hang together, but you know)...

At some point listening to the song I spiraled off into the bizarre mental image of a darklord nightclub (not that they can actually ever hang together, but you know)...

Somehow, I see that at as a hillarious comical skit.

Except, they'd make terrible clubers. Since every girl that Dominic has a thing for will ultimately be disgusted by him, he'd have no luck on the dance floor. Strahd would need everyone to have name tags that said "Hi, my name is NOT Tatyana". And I know club girls aren't always the brightest, but sooner or later they'd figure out that all the girls that have 'gone out for a walk' with that Harkan Lucas guy haven't returned yet.

Harkon'd be the DJ, no?

[Admittedly, I first envisioned Azalin as the DJ 'cause the mental image of Azzie spinnin' discs was just too precious...]

Actually, I could see Harkon as the DJ. Just he'd leave a song running while he hit on a little girl in a red dress and a basket of cookies for her grandmother.

And naturally, Tristessa would be hogging the Kareoke (sp) machine.

INTRODUCTION
Science truly is a many faceted discipline; spanning the entirety of everything, it can be argued that even the seemingly most illogical arts fall within its voluptuous wings. It can tell us the chemical reactions behind the movement of an eye; it can condense the complexities of the universe into a set of numbers on a piece of paper. Britney Spears does five hundred sit-ups a day. My hypothesis is this: if I do five hundred sit-ups a day, I will look like Britney Spears.

BACKGROUND
Britney Jean Spears was born in 1981. She was a co-host on Disney's asinine Mickey Mouse Club before "making it" (conceivably in more ways than one) as a hit recording artist. Her initial release "Baby One More Time" was widely described as a pedophile's wet dream but led to an immensely popular solo career. Her latter-day success is partially down to her famous midriff, which she achieves by doing five hundred sit-ups a day.

Dion Michael Madarang Fernandez was born in 1980. He went to school and led a relatively unremarkable life. He is 5'6 and has never resembled Britney Spears. He does do a certain number of sit-ups a day as a matter of health; that number has never, ever reached five hundred. Doing five hundred sit ups makes him want to give up and eat cake. His weight fluctuates, but in recent years has settled around the 140lb mark; as he is small, this does not make him entirely happy with his girth. Ms. Spears, on the other hand, is likely to weigh less than 140lb, unless she is made of some sort of metal alloy. (If she is, research should be conducted to see if she can turn into a car.)

It should be noted and reiterated that Dion is me, and Ms. Spears is not.

METHODOLOGY
There are two stages to the experiment:

Stage One - I do not do five hundred sit-ups a day. This is the control stage.
Stage Two - I do five hundred sit-ups a day. This is the other stage.

DATA AND OBSERVATIONS
Stage One: I have not been doing five hundred sit-ups a day for a total of 257 days. So far I do not look like Britney Spears. However, this does not mean that I will never look like Britney Spears; if there are an infinite number of universes, there must be one where I magically transform tomorrow. How can I be sure that it isn't this one? I can offer no proof.

Stage Two: Over a period of five days, I have been doing five hundred sit-ups a day. I shall attempt to quantify the extent to which I am Britney Spears in the following categories:

Singing: I could not sing prior to commencing the experiment; or, rather, my attempts were described as being akin to "a gormless fifteen year old trying his very hardest".

Physicality: I cannot turn into a car, no matter how hard I try. I also continue to not have breasts.

Psychology: I have never been to Louisiana, so cannot comment on how good or bad it is. Nor can I reference the food in any way, or open a restaurant in New York City that makes it.

I rarely reveal my midriff, and have not been on stage for many years. Therefore, it is conceivable that I am more shy and less famous. In summation, I'm not a girl, not yet a woman.

CONCLUSION
The conjecture that five hundred sit-ups a day alone transform one into Britney Spears is false and misleading. Indeed, I retain a certain amount of excess fat around the stomach area; perhaps if I continue doing this number of sit-ups, it will diminish. However, I sincerely doubt I will ever look like Ms. Spears; an educated guess would place the outcome at Dean Cain at most.

This makes me want to cry like a puppy in the rain.

Is the Filipino marijuana this strong?



Joël

Dion of the Fraternity wrote:Singing: I could not sing prior to commencing the experiment; or, rather, my attempts were described as being akin to "a gormless fifteen year old trying his very hardest".

Hey, that's a lot like Spears already.