Zettaijin wrote:The really scary thing about that last story is the possibility of you never posting another one...
LOL, would that really be so scary? just kidding HMB! Keep up these they are a lot of fun.
The cricket one reminds me of a friend of mine. He recently discovered a mouse in his house, but doesn't want to kill it. He told me he has plans to trap it "peacefully" and release it on our local university campus. . .
However, its been 3 days, and I haven't heard anything from him or seen him in class -- maybe the mouse . . . ???
. . . finally won????
Last edited by LadySoth on Tue Nov 17, 2009 10:22 am, edited 1 time in total.
~ L A D Y S O T H ~
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
Reminds me of this movie called "From Unknown Origins" where a guy becomes obssessed with exterminating the rats in his house to a point where he ends up destroying not only his house, his family life in his mad quest.
I'm not normally a violent person, but there are a few things that get me really angry and destructive. Defective computer equipment is one. Mice are another.
In my first year as a law student, I stayed at a cheap house with an indifferent landlord. After about two months of warm weather, the cold came in and I suddenly realized I had fleas. And so did my landlord. In fact, the entire sodding house was crawling with them. It became ridiculous - I'd wake up multiple times each night because of the bites. Anybody who's done a law degree will know that lack of sleep is a death knell for good grades. It took a toll on my immune system, too: I got sick really easily and stayed that way the whole winter.
It was the mice that brought them in, as they invaded my house at the end of autumn. Every so often, we'd see a little shadow scurrying around the floorboards. One time, I left a frying pan of beef and vegetables on the stovetop and when I came back to get more, there were two mice in my food. I stopped cooking after that and my health further suffered.
I got on my landlord's case about it, and kept on complaining until he finally started snooping around the floorboards. We found some holes, and he boarded them up. But there was one hole behind the stove he couldn't get to. The mice kept coming in.
Each time I saw a mouse, I'd immediately grab a broom and give chase. These little bastards were spreading germs and fleas and buggering up my sleep, at a time when I was already stressed out enough from law school as it was. Sometimes they'd get away. But twice, they didn't. One time I cornered it in the pantry and started systematically dismantling every bag of rice and every sack of flour, until the mouse shot out... and ended up flat under my shoe. Another time I managed to pin it with a broom brush, and I brought over a kitchen stool and staved in its skull with a stool leg.
Finally I snapped and bought a load of glue traps. The mice got stuck. I gave standing orders to the landlord and his cousin that they were not to touch the glue traps even if they had mice in them. I'm not sure if they willingly obeyed with this order but I did end up with a decent number of mice to experiment with. I feel the scientific findings were slender compensation for the fleas and the stress and generally ruining my waking hours.
1. Take bucket, fill to a few inches with human urine. Add mouse. Mouse swims about helplessly in the urine, until you add bleach. This evolves gaseous hydrochloric acid, which lingers just above water level and which quickly erodes mouse's lung tissues. Mouse dies. Dispose.
2. Mice have a very strong sense of smell, but it is still not equal to their sense of sight. I proved this after depriving a mouse of the latter using a safety pin. Mouse dies (eventually). Dispose.
3. A three-legged mouse can still run, poorly. A two-legged mouse can still walk, if it has one leg on each side of its body. A two-legged mouse with only legs on one side of its body, or a one-legged mouse, is largely stationary. Mouse dies of blood loss after a matter of minutes. Dispose.
4. Death is instantaneous in a microwave oven. (The oven will be totally unsuitable for cooking human food afterwards.) Mouse dies. Dispose both the mouse and the microwave... unless you're some sort of whacked out sicko.
5. Mice can survive a surprisingly long time without a jawbone. I think they die eventually of starvation but I lost patience. Dispose.
6. Lighter fluid is preferable to cooking oil for an immolation. If the mouse is still alive at the time of ignition, and capable of running around before it dies outright, make sure it's on a nonflammable surface away from dry leaves and other yard waste. There is very little left to dispose.
7. Mouse in metal bucket or trash can. Banging the side of the can repeatedly for about half an hour appears to destroy their sense of hearing. (You may want to wear earplugs during this, because it could well do the same to you.) I observed blood around its head but I'm not sure if this is trauma from moving around the can or actual ear damage. Dispose.
8. Mouser cats may kill mice, but they do not eliminate the main problem of fleas. Exclusion is still the best policy, and even masking tape over mouseholes will do.
9. Actually that reminds me of one really, really evil bastard cat that my ex-best-friend used to have. The cat liked to play with mice, and she caught a mouse one day. My friend saw her playing with the mouse, but after a day or two the mouse disappeared. My friend eventually found it. The cat (if you can believe this) had gotten the mouse exhausted and then rolled one of his weight-lifting dumbbells on top of the mouse, crushing it to death.
Last edited by HuManBing on Fri May 14, 2010 10:29 pm, edited 2 times in total.
Zettaijin wrote:Reminds me of this movie called "From Unknown Origins" where a guy becomes obssessed with exterminating the rats in his house to a point where he ends up destroying not only his house, his family life in his mad quest.
I remember Of Unknown Origin. It was a NYC apartment, not a house, and it was just one ordinary brown rat ... albeit an extremely determined and territorial one, out of every New Yorker's nightmare.
"Who [u]cares[/u] what the Dark Powers are? They're [i]bastards![/i] That's all I need to know of them." -- Crow
that's right. I watched a preview, and it looks like only a single rat makes the homeowner completely lose his mind! I can see why people might find this funny, or ironic, but for me its as completely effective as using one or two spiders as villains in key scenes in the Aracnophobia films from the 90s, which terrified me unreasonably as a child when I first watch them on television. Even today I still find spiders terrifying, although not irrationally so (I hope ) and think these films are probably to blame in part. Double ewwww for the scene in one of the James Bond flicks where he wakes up in the middle of the night with a poisonous spider crawling under his sheets! and he can't move a muscle, or the spider will . . . ahhhhhhhh!
HMB, I think I know what I would like to read a story about next, are you taking requests?
~ L A D Y S O T H ~
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
Zettaijin wrote:Reminds me of this movie called "From Unknown Origins" where a guy becomes obssessed with exterminating the rats in his house to a point where he ends up destroying not only his house, his family life in his mad quest.
I remember Of Unknown Origin. It was a NYC apartment, not a house, and it was just one ordinary brown rat ... albeit an extremely determined and territorial one, out of every New Yorker's nightmare.
Probably mixing it up with another rat movie...
I seem to recall that I liked the movie, but considering the sheer volume of stuff I've seen, it's easy for me to get confused...
I was doing work this morning and I felt weird. Not bad, really, just uncomfortable. I went to get a drink of water and popped an antibiotic just to make sure.
An hour later, I still felt odd. I couldn't figure out what it was. I made a cup of tea and added some honey. This was nice, but it didn't solve the problem. General stiffness and discomfort.
Finally I went to the bathroom and checked everything thoroughly.
The state of HuManBing's jurisdiction has confirmed that he has passed the bar exam and is now substantively fit to practice law. The announcement was first made yesterday by Internet, but has been confirmed in writing today.
Some procedural steps remain, but if all goes according to (HMB's) plan, he will be sworn in and fully licensed to practice law some time in mid-December.
...
And if that's not ******* scary then I don't know what is.
The state of HuManBing's jurisdiction has confirmed that he has passed the bar exam and is now substantively fit to practice law. The announcement was first made yesterday by Internet, but has been confirmed in writing today.
Some procedural steps remain, but if all goes according to (HMB's) plan, he will be sworn in and fully licensed to practice law some time in mid-December.
...
And if that's not ******* scary then I don't know what is.
Hey congrats man! Great job! As I mentioned before I'm looking at grad schools right now, but have only recently begun to consider a legal degree. How many years did your degree take to complete? I'm studying English and History right now, would these be good foundations to succeed in Law school? Thanks,
and keep up the great stories!!!
~ L A D Y S O T H ~
"I rule out nothing. Nor, I imagine, do you."
"Oh, I do like to be beside the seaside . . . "
"Hail Strahd, Lord of Barovia!"
The state of HuManBing's jurisdiction has confirmed that he has passed the bar exam and is now substantively fit to practice law. The announcement was first made yesterday by Internet, but has been confirmed in writing today.
Some procedural steps remain, but if all goes according to (HMB's) plan, he will be sworn in and fully licensed to practice law some time in mid-December.
...
And if that's not ******* scary then I don't know what is.
My most sincere congratulations on this major achievement and landmark on your journey through the Mists, HuManBing!
Woe the GM that from now on has to confront your mastery of laws!
[i]"Many point out that this battle against the darkness is an impossible one, and they may well be right. Impossible or not, however, the battle for righteousness is one that only a few heroes are brave enough to undertake"[/i]
HuManBing wrote:
1. Take bucket, fill to a few inches with human urine. Add mouse. Mouse swims about helplessly in the urine, until you add bleach. This evolves gaseous hydrochloric acid, which lingers just above water level and which quickly erodes mouse's lung tissues. Mouse dies. Dispose.
2. Mice have a very strong sense of smell, but it is still not equal to their sense of sight. I proved this after depriving a mouse of the latter using a safety pin. Mouse dies (eventually). Dispose.
3. A three-legged mouse can still run, poorly. A two-legged mouse can still walk, if it has one leg on each side of its body. A two-legged mouse with only legs on one side of its body, or a one-legged mouse, is largely stationary. Mouse dies of blood loss after a matter of minutes. Dispose.
4. Death is instantaneous in a microwave oven. (The oven will be totally unsuitable for cooking human food afterwards.) Mouse dies. Dispose both the mouse and the microwave... unless you're some sort of whacked out sicko.
5. Mice can survive a surprisingly long time without a jawbone. I think they die eventually of starvation but I lost patience. Dispose.
6. Lighter fluid is preferable to cooking oil for an immolation. If the mouse is still alive at the time of ignition, and capable of running around before it dies outright, make sure it's on a nonflammable surface away from dry leaves and other yard waste. There is very little left to dispose.
7. Mouse in metal bucket or trash can. Banging the side of the can repeatedly for about half an hour appears to destroy their sense of hearing. (You may want to wear earplugs during this, because it could well do the same to you.) I observed blood around its head but I'm not sure if this is trauma from moving around the can or actual ear damage. Dispose.
Dear lord.
I hope you are joking here, I really do.
If you're not, then I wish for some nasty karma to be inflicted upon you. What sort of EDIT*******************************EDIT like that? Should I take you seriously here or with a grain of salt?
[Edited for content. Gavin, I can understand your reaction if you actually did take HMB's post seriously, but profanity and personal attacks are unwelcome here. You're welcome to post any time, but please keep your comments within the bounds of courtesy. - Roti]
just kidding HMB! Keep up these they are a lot of fun.
Hope your mouse post was a joke 
Double ewwww for the scene in one of the James Bond flicks where he wakes up in the middle of the night with a poisonous spider crawling under his sheets! and he can't move a muscle, or the spider will . . . ahhhhhhhh! 
