Granted! Not only do you have the template, but the Dark Powers kick in the entire book as well! Unfortunately, it's a copy of a book stolen in the course of a home invasion-turned-torture murder, and your possession of it is the only clue the police can find. The sea of public outrage quickly overwhelms the weakness of the case against you, and you are soon strapped into the death chair, waiting for the prick of the lethal injection against your skin.
I wish Earth was invaded and conquered by an army of sentient penguins.
Sylaire wrote:I wish Earth was invaded and conquered by an army of sentient penguins.
Granted! The surprise answer to the question of who killed the dinosaurs is sentient penguins from outerspace. The birds, however, found the whole business of administering the Earth irksome in the extreme. And after tens of millions of years, they renounced the endeavour, retreated to Antartica, and began producing documentries and feature films, abandoning the toil of administering the rest of the planet to the newly risen primates who pay them homage and lap up the dubious acting.
I wish that the penguin conspiracy was exposed for all to see.
Granted! Oswald Cobblepot's conspiracy to become mayor of Gotham City is caught on film. You might know it by the name Batman Returns. The twist? It's being remade, starring Ashton Kutcher as Batman, Vern Troyer as the Penguin, and Paris Hilton as Catwoman.
I wish Hollywood would rid themselves of the idea that being true to the source material somehow involves changing a lot of details.
JinnTolser wrote:I wish Hollywood would rid themselves of the idea that being true to the source material somehow involves changing a lot of details.
Granted! Original genius is no longer crushed into mush readily digestable by the undiscriminating masses. But to maintain a sense of continuity for said masses all films now feature as their leading lady Paris Hilton.
I wish that aliens would kidnap, for lethal medical experimentation, everyone caught up in the cult of celebrity.
Granted. However, it turns out that such an honorable resignation earns a bigger sympathy-pension than simply relinquishing one's position of leadership. For that reason, leaders who want to retire begin deliberately causing disasters of their own making, in order to get a better pension plan.
I wish my printer at home wasn't busted.
"Who [u]cares[/u] what the Dark Powers are? They're [i]bastards![/i] That's all I need to know of them." -- Crow
Granted! Somebody breaks into your house in the night and steals your busted printer, inexplicably leaving the computer and other valuables untouched. The printer is still busted, but it's no longer at your home.
Granted! It heals really nice, all green and perfect... hang on, green! Oh well at least it works now, you'll just have to wear knee socks for the rest of your natural life, and look really stupid....
I wish all world leaders could be kidnapped and marooned on an island somewhere in the mists with Daclaud Heinfroth...
"I had a dream, which was not all a dream.
The bright sun was extinguish'd, and the stars
Did wander darkling in the eternal space..."
Your wish is... rejected! Or rather, it short-circuits, as any close examination of current politics and history, and the degree of mental stability demonstrated by the various leaders involved, reveals that this has already happened. (Heinfroth sent them back afterwards, because some things are too crazy even for a cerebral vampire to put up with.)
I wish for good driving conditions in my area next week.
"Who [u]cares[/u] what the Dark Powers are? They're [i]bastards![/i] That's all I need to know of them." -- Crow
Granted. Unfortunately, he's such a terrible author that nobody can stand to read far enough to find the juicy bits. (Hey, demons of his sort have just one talent, and writing ain't it... )
I wish my grading of term papers and exams was already done.
"Who [u]cares[/u] what the Dark Powers are? They're [i]bastards![/i] That's all I need to know of them." -- Crow