Café de Nuit

granted. the next time you request your "dots" they charge you $4 and pull a horrible leaver unleashing a cascading flow of these delicious terror-dots . This awesome wave surges over you twisting, crushing and snaping you and everyone else like twigs. Your broken body is found some time later lodged in a tree.

I wish i wasn't out of cloves.

Granted! Cloves fly at you from every direction, puncturing you at a rate of dozens per square inch of skin. A dusting of cinnamon and nutmeg is added, and you die an agonizing (but sweet-smelling) death from shock and blood loss.

(I used to make pomander balls at Christmastime as a kid. )

I wish the @^%%@&&*! TRSI server would just take my online order, already!

Granted, the server will take your order any time now. Unfortunately they no longer carry the items you wanted.

I wish my computer could run Age of Empires 3.

Granted. However, In the process of upgrading, it also somehow manages to aquire artifical intelegance, and now spends all the time playing the game itself (Having first disconected the moniter, so you can't watch)

I wish I had a helicopter in the garden.

Granted. It's an old, rusted wreck propped up on concrete blocks, missing one rotor and covered with rude graffiti.



I wish that Spring would arrive for real, instead of teasing us with a few warm days and then turning around and letting frost cover my car's windshield again.

Granted, you witness a murder and the witness relocation program makes you quit your job and move to California.

I wish I knew how to ride a bike. (I know, it's pathetic)

Scarycount wrote:I wish I knew how to ride a bike. (I know, it's pathetic)

Granted! You know how to ride a bike, but forget how to drive.

(Unless you didn't already know how to drive or didn't rely on it as a way of transportation, in which case your legs just pop off. HAH! )

I wish WotC would drop the FR setting and start supporting Ravenloft and Dark Sun again.

Granted, but now all of those displaced Forgotten Realms fanboys, lacking for somewhere to go, latch onto Ravenloft. This leaves us with the inevitable result of thousands of Drizz't clones wandering around Barovia.

I wish I could get back on a normal sleep schedule.

Granted. You sleep normally...for an ancient dead. See you in a good couple hundred years.

(p.s. I'm away from this form for a month; this thread grew like Ascaris in a butt-hole. Yikes!)

I wish my education wasn't slowly turning me to Lichdom by eating away at my soul...

Granted! Your education stops eating away at your soul and instead feasts on your flesh in the form of screeching maggots.


I wish more people near me played ravenloft.

Granted, but they know RL too well. They know just how to kill every darklord and do so with malicious glee.

I wish my work would do itself. And not in the sinful way.

Granted! But it does everything wrong, and you take the blame.

I wish the Cubs would move out of Chicago... or better yet, out of Illinois altogether.

JinnTolser wrote:I wish the Cubs would move out of Chicago... or better yet, out of Illinois altogether.

Granted! The Cubs move out of Illinois... and the White Sox leave too! Illinois is ridiculed as the teamless state.

I wish Bloomington, Illinois' football team had a less sucktastic name than The Xtreme.

Granted! The team is never known as bloomington Xtreme again.

not after the bombs fell.

now it's the bloomington "skineating mutants"; who stalk the wastelands of the midwest garbed in half-melted shoulderpads and helmets.

I wish 28 weeks later would come out already.

Granted, but when you go see it there happens to be a crying baby sitting behind you.

I wish vikings wern't so often portrayed as 1 dimensional killing machines.