Café de Nuit

Granted, due to a freak wormhole in the minds of every person on earth, every one now sees Vikings as three dimentional robots obsessed with killing.

I wish I could win an argument.

Granted! Your next argument results in your opponent conceding the correctness of your ideas and converting to your point of view. However, you immediately have a hostile visit from the Prince of Insufficient Light asking you about the sudden cold snap he's been experiencing.

I wish the Mists would make their long-overdue call for Derek Jeter.

Granted. However, due to the complexities of the modern sign posting system, they can't find him. So they settle for taking the entire population of Maine instead.


I wish I was living (not dead or undead,) in another universe which has been written about by the inhabitants of our planet.

Granted, you now live in the Buffyverse. The catch is, you know that hell dimension that Buffy sent Angel to at the end of season 2? Welcome home.

I wish that I could get out to the store to replace my TV this week.

Granted, However, all the TVs have been baught by that New Rich guy up the road(who neded to furnish his house.)

I wish I was anywhere but the Buffyverse (and still allive)

Granted. You awaken to discover that your visit to the Buffyverse was all a bad dream ... instead, you're now a living, two-dimensional, big-eyed anime character, surrounded by insufferably-cute pokemon.


I wish I'd made more useful progress on the netbooks this weekend.

Granted! You finished them entirely. But in the middle of the night, a burglar breaks in and steals your computer.

I wish I had the spare cash to go out and buy God of War 2.

Tempererally snaps out of maddnes induced by stuipdly cute pokemon.

Granted, but that same burgaler you just unleashed? He hasn't taken his tea break yet.

I wish that I could escape this Pokeverse, without going back to the Buffieverse.

Granted. All series like Buffy and Pokemon disappear from the TV, but at their place are only interviews of Britney Spears and Paris Hilton who are trying to talk about serious matters!

I wish one of my favorite TV programs is still on TV.

Granted. The new Ravenloft TV show finally comes on air, and in spite of all worries, is extreamly good, managing to maintain its gotic roots whirlst not going overboard on the Gore, in spite of one corpse, mangled beyond reckognition, in episode one.

The catch? well, as you just pulled me out of one TV world(quite literally), you had to go into another. Balance and all that. Guess which?

I wish for suficiant technical skills so I am able to build a machine that alliows me to safely grant my own wishes.

Try twisting that.

[Scene opens at a gas station, at night. Man steps out from the side, wearing a suit, holding a cigarette and completely in black and white]

Submitted for your approval, Moral Machivelli, aptly named for intelligence and ambition, has a vision of a machine the likes of which the world has never seen. But to make that vision a reality, he'll have to take out a loan at the first national bank... of the Twilight zone.

[Moral Machivelli:] Eureka! I understand everything now. I can finally build my Infernal Machine. Oh wait, I now also know that to build it, I'll need a billion dollars. Hmmm... how high is my credit limit?

[Mysterious Banker:] Greetings, Moral, I'll gladly front you the cash. For a piece of the action, of course.

[Moral Machivelli:] Sweet.

27 days, 18 minutes later....

[Moral Machivelli:] The machine is built. I'm ready to make my first wish.

[Mysterious Banker:] Then I don't need you anymore. (Pulls out gun).
Blam! Blam!
The machine is mine. I'll activate it now.

[Infernal Machine:] One wish in que. "Wish my machine was a bomb". Granting...

Submitted for your approval, Moral Machivelli, a man who's every wish came true. But wishes have a way of getting twisted... in the Twilight Zone.

[Car honking in background]
[Angry Customer:] Hey! You open or not?

Sigh... I wish I wasn't a gas station that had to stay open at night.

Granted.

You are now a post office that stays open all night.

I wish for world peace.

Granted. In the frigid darkness of Pluto, the world you now occupy, it's very peaceful indeed. (I don't say, "where you now live" for the obvious reason.

I wish my neighbors would stop making so much racket in the middle of the night.

Rotipher of the FoS wrote:I wish my neighbors would stop making so much racket in the middle of the night.

Granted! Your neighborhood is unnaturally quiet at night. The only thing you can hear is the beating of your own heart.

Need I say more?

I wish my credit card bill would pay itself.

Granted! But your credit card gets tired of only doing all the paying while you make all the purchases, so one day it goes out on a shopping spree, maxes itself out, then makes the payment late, causing you to get a huge late fee, and your credit score takes a big dive.

I wish I could find a non-bootlegged copy of Suikoden II, in English, in good condition, for under $20.