Café de Nuit

I wish I knew whether or not that was the right way to translate words like "in", that start with vowels, into Pig Latin.

Granted. You now have that knowledge, but have forgotten everything else you've ever known.

I wish my players wouldn't metagame so much.

LouisVendredi wrote:I wish my players wouldn't metagame so much.

Granted! They fall victim to the Stormwind Fallacy and refuse to play anything other than blind, one-legged characters with NPC classes.

I wish I got paid a lot of money to sit around playing good video games.

Granted! But your employer will only keep you if you to put in 155-hour work weeks.

I wish long-haired cats didn't shed so much.

Granted, but instead they breed toxin resistant fleas so efficiently that within days you're getting them in your eyes, your food and waking in the middle of the night gagging on flea carcasses.


I wish the president kept an Historical Advisor on hand and actually listened to his/her advice before making decisions.

Granted! A hateful maniac is appointed as a historical advisor.

I wish I was that hateful maniac.

alhoon wrote:Granted! A hateful maniac is appointed as a historical advisor.

I wish I was that hateful maniac.

Granted! Unfortunately, another country can't stand to see a hateful maniac in power, so they invade your country and set up a puppet government.

I wish I had prestidigitation as a spell-like ability.

Granted. You transform into a gnome, and are hauled off to a genetic research laboratory, where they stick you with needles to try to figure out what this "new strain of spontaneously-arising dwarfism" is.

I wish my college would admit that academic cap-and-gown outfits are stupid, so we wouldn't have to dress up like "Harry Potter" movie extras for graduation ceremonies.

Granted, your college is the only one that force all of you be naked at the ceremonies!

I wish the audio problem of my computer can be repaired.

Granted, it can be repaired, but requires the service of a highly specialized team of extra-dimensional midgets who will require a certain high percentage of your organs to complete the project. Naturally, they don't ask permission before taking what they want.


I wish I had the motivation to actually get things done.

Granted, you have the motivation, but you overdone and get collapsed to the ground.

I wish my computer can be repaired without my organs!

Granted! The otherdimensional midgets permit you to supply them with the organs of others instead. Unfortunately, you are caught almost immediately following the crime, and are soon sentenced to life in prison, where you are not permitted access to a computer and cannot enjoy the flawless surroundsound audio that was installed.

I wish the Mists of Ravenloft would run off with the home-plate umpire that just called the third strike in the Red Sox game. That guy could use a nice hunting trip in Kartakass!

Granted. However, when the Mists sweep the umpire away, the dark mystical influences of Ravenloft resuscitate the Curse of the Bambino, ensuring the Sox will have to wait another lifetime before they win the world series again.


I wish TV commercials weren't so bloody stupid.

Rotipher of the FoS wrote:Granted. However, when the Mists sweep the umpire away, the dark mystical influences of Ravenloft resuscitate the Curse of the Bambino, ensuring the Sox will have to wait another lifetime before they win the world series again.


I wish TV commercials weren't so bloody stupid.

Granted..TV commercials are now for the highly intellectual ,but only you and a few others can stand them. Soon your favorite shows are canceled becuase no one is watching TV, becuase they can't understand the commercials. You soon find yourself bored without your favorite shows to watch.

I wish I could understand what my cats are saying and I could speak to them, and they understand.

Granted! You realize that your cats are actually members of the top-secret Cat Mafia, and now that you know, they have to "take care" of you.

I wish they'd make a Watchmen movie, that stays very close to the story.

Granted. In fact, they make it so true to the original story that the big blue guy walks around bare-ass naked throughout the film. Therefore it can only ever be seen in sleazy porno theaters, or with so many scenes cut out of it by the censors that the plotline makes no sense.


I wish I could join the top-secret Cat Mafia.