Café de Nuit

Your wish for nothing has been granted. And the void ooze makes very short work of you too, leaving nothing.

I wish that I had a Wishing Imp.

Granted! An imp appears on your shoulder. He keeps rubbing your forehead and making wishes. When you fail to grant them, he bites off your nose.

I wish for more wishes.

Granted! You get more twisted wishes that drop you to insanity and misery.

I wish for a large Argetaki. (I know no such word, I made it on the spot. Probably it doesn't exist. I.e I wish for something that doesn't exist)

Wish granted. A very large painting from this gallery (http://hodrogiannis.com/argetaki/) materializes out of thin air above you, and its heavy frame clonks you over the head. Ain't Google handy sometimes?


I wish I'd been able to go someplace fun for Labor Day weekend, instead of staying home.

Wish Granted! You're taken to Disney World and forced to endure the Pirates of the Caribbean ride over and over and over until you go insane.

I wish I could sleep better at night, this insomnia is killing me.

Granted. You contract sleeping sickness. It's waking up that is the killer now.

I wish that Lovecraft's At the Mountains of Madness was made into a brilliant film which featured no well known actors or actresses.

Wish granted. It's made into a brilliant (for a student film) skit-comedy using Claymation and fart jokes, courtesy of some freshman film students addicted to "Robot Chicken".


I wish all of my PC games would work properly on my laptop.

Granted! All the games work perfectly... until the battery runs out and you realize that your power plug has been stolen.

I wish that all politicians and businessmen were scrupulously honest.

Granted: Parliaments fall and the economy crumbles!

I wish for an end to world hunger!

Granted: Armageddon Thursday night!

I wish for World Peace, Brotherhood of Nations, and a fully automatic shotgun.

Granted! 95% of the world's population is instantaneously turned into zombies, ending all conflicts between nations. You are one of the 5% that does not initially become a zombie, and when the legions of undead come to overrun your home, you prepare to hold them off with your brand spankin' new automatic shotgun... only to realize that you never wished for any ammunition...

I wish WotC would make D&D books completely free and somehow be able to stay in business.

Granted! The world is consumed by a zombie plague that forces the remaining 5% of the existing population into a communist government. Wizards is ordered to release DnD for the general mental wellbeing and morale of the global population. They make no profits but are rewarded by NOT being executed by the one person who is holding a fully automatic shotgun. (And who doesn't need to wish for ammunition because he's already got shotgun shells at home anyway.)

I wish the First Amendment covered adult pornography, fighting words, and hate speech. (So I wouldn't have to memorize different theories about them in my law exam.)

Granted! Unfortunately, it no longer extends to freedom of religion. You have no difficulty dealing with your law exam because you are busy being burned at the stake for not being a follower of the new national faith, the Harmonious Church of Mars under the auspices of the Right Reverend Larry.

(bonus points for anyone who gets the reference)

I wish someone actually does get the reference!

Sylaire wrote:Granted! Unfortunately, it no longer extends to freedom of religion. You have no difficulty dealing with your law exam because you are busy being burned at the stake for not being a follower of the new national faith, the Harmonious Church of Mars under the auspices of the Right Reverend Larry.

(bonus points for anyone who gets the reference)

I wish someone actually does get the reference!

Granted! That someone is a devout follower of the Right Reverend Larry, who finds your "joke" blasphemous and promptly reports you. Enjoy the stake, Sylaire!

I wish I got that reference.

Nathan of the FoS wrote:Granted! That someone is a devout follower of the Right Reverend Larry, who finds your "joke" blasphemous and promptly reports you. Enjoy the stake, Sylaire!

I wish I got that reference.

Granted! But now you can only understand really, really obscure references, which make everyone think you're as mad as a hatter while you laughingly drool yourself in the dark corners of your mental health asylum's cell.

I wish I had a group of players who really enjoyed playing Ravenloft and didn't whine about it and wanting to play Forgotten Realms or Greyhawk.
And time to play.
Without being unemployed.