Café de Nuit

Granted! You are hired (for minimum wage) at WotC to playtest 4th edition Ravenloft... which is going to be designed by the people who wrote Champions of Darkness.

I wish my PS2 would become a more reliable DVD player without sacrificing or weakening its ability to play games well.

Granted! While its ability to play games is unaffected, it now unexpectedly causes any non-game DVD placed in it to spin at approximately 350,000 revolutions per second before shattering. Can't get much more reliable than that, eh?

I wish I could think up answers to this thread that aren't quite so blindingly obvious.

(Incidentally, the Harmonious Church of Mars is from The New Red Green Show.)

Granted. You are affected by a permanent Shout spell, causing sonic cone damage to anybody in hearing distance. Your answers are now DEAFENINGLY obvious bwahahahahahahah!

I wish I could remember my law school classes from one day to the next.

Granted. You remember your law classes for exactly one day ... 24 hours, no more, no less. After that, your brain is pudding so far as memory is concerned.


I wish my students studied as hard as HMB seems to be doing.

Granted! But your students are all affected by the same curse, so you can never get them to remember anything for more than a day.

I wish I hadn't accidentally knocked a light fixture in my room off the ceiling last Friday, causing it to fall directly onto my laptop.

Granted. Your laptop unrelatedly develops a virus and will no longer do anything properly except play "Hit Me Baby One More Time" by Britney Spears. After only a few hours of this, you will assuredly start to wish your laptop HAD been smashed by a falling light fixture.

I wish Israel and Palestine come to an amicable resolution and the Middle East becomes peaceful.

JinnTolser wrote:Granted! But your students are all affected by the same curse, so you can never get them to remember anything for more than a day.

You're assuming they could do that before...?

HuManBing wrote:I wish Israel and Palestine come to an amicable resolution and the Middle East becomes peaceful.

Granted. After the first couple explosions the entire region knows the peace of the grave.

I wish I could finish Races of the Mists: Gnomes without the netbook continuing to decent into comedy...

Granted! Instead, it descends into comedy!

Note 1: Yes, I know. Low blow. Pun.

Note 2: Why? Seriously? Gnomes are definitely fair game for comedy and if there's ever a time for humor in a netbook, I'm sure it would find its place in a gnomish one!

Okay, okay. My response was quite poor. Thus, Jester's wish still stands for the next person to respond to!

Jester of the FoS wrote: I wish I could finish Races of the Mists: Gnomes without the netbook continuing to decent into comedy...

Wish Granted!

Aaaand the twist!
*Hands Jester a piece of lemon*
Nyuk nyuk nyuk :gnome:

Guess it's still descending into comedy. Anyone else want to grant the Jester's wish?

Certainly! The Gnomish Anti-Defamation League files a lawsuit against you seeking injunctive relief preventing you from being able to complete the netbook or distribute the completed portion without written approval from the GADL certifying that you have not reduced the gnomish population to the butt of cheap Dragonlance-rooted tinker comedy.

(Damn but I hate tinker gnomes. Utterly ruined the race. Lucky the Hickmans invented Ravenloft, Gryphon Hill, Rahasia, and the Desert of Desolation or they'd have to face my...um...well, nothing more than lame internet ranting where they don't frequent, actually, but...)

I wish that dwarves...or better yet, those snotty high elves...had gotten stuck as the tinker race, instead!

Granted! Elves become the tinker race, but because they're better than gnomes (or at least they think they are), their popularity increases so much that they spread out of Dragonlance into other settings. Drizzt Do'Urden is retconned as a Tinker Drow, and nobody ever stops telling you how cool he is now.

I wish I had a bottle of pop that would always refill itself after I put the cap back on, and for the cap to be tethered to the bottle so I can't ever lose it.

Granted, unfortunately, the bottle refills itself with the nastiest most foul tasting beverage you can imagine.

I wish I had better reception on my cell phone in this apartment.

Wish granted. A tornado tears the roof off your building, thus granting you far better reception from your now-open-air apartment.

I wish I could catch up on my sleep without missing work, falling asleep behind the wheel, or otherwise getting into a jam.

Granted! You become addicted to sleeping pills, and although you turn up to work on time every day, the quality of your work drops off steadily as you find yourself continuously dozing.

I wish I always rolled max damage on attacks.