Ask a darklord

[LadySoth]

Godefory: Who?


Dear Strahd,
When are you going to give up this pointless infatuation with a teen aged girl and go after someone closer to your own age? You've been having midlife crisis for 500 years . . .

[ScS of the Fraternity]

Strahd: Midlife crisis? You're crazy... dawg. I've got the youth and vigor of a teenager. Four, actually. I had a big lunch.
Besides, I just bought a 'vet!
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to lure Tatyana to me with some Avril Lavigne tickets.

Dear Dominic D'Honaire,

Obama or McCain?

[Scarycount]

Dominic: Who cares? I'll just enslave whoever wins. A political genius such as myself needs more than one country to rule behind the scenes.

Dear God Brain, What would happen if an Anchorite, a Witch, and a Kontor (priest of Lawgiver, lol im nerd) walked into a bar?

[Rotipher of the FoS]

God-Brain:

Well, assuming there's no ethereality involved, my guess is that they'd bonk their heads quite painfully, hopefully without spilling the contents. (Waste of good food, y'know?) Though I must say, even for humans, walking into a solid metal bar seems an extremely foolish thing to do.

Unless... no, wait, you're not referring to a drinking establishment, are you? Ugh! Don't talk to disembodied brains about alcohol, it's what all those daft mad scientists seem determined to pickle us in.



Dear King Crocodile,

Do you welcome little fishies in with gently smiling jaws?

[Leliel]

King Croc: Yes, if by "gently smiling", you mean "ferociously grimacing", and by "sweet", you mean, "tasteless".

Dear Gwydion:

Do you ever get sore from being in the Obsidian Gate all the time, without being able to move?

[cure]

Dear Gwydion:

Do you ever get sore from being in the Obsidian Gate all the time, without being able to move?

Gwydion: "The first few centuries were indescribable torture. But then in the midst of a prolonged delirium my consciousness reached out and touched the Yoga channel. I quickly mastered that dark art, indeed to such an extent that I have been rated the most dangerous contortionist in existence."

Dear Azalin,

What is the funniest thing you ever did?

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Azalin:

Do biting irony and snide remarks about other darklords count? If so, I'm funny all the time. If not, I suppose the time I revived in Irik's skeletal remains would qualify: it took me a good five steps to figure out I had the feet on the wrong way around.




Dear Virundus,

How does it feel to have your domain's NS description published at last?

[cure]

Dear Virundus,

How does it feel to have your domain's NS description published at last?[/quote]


High Priest Basilikos,

The God Beneath is outraged, outraged, outraged. And needless to say, justly outraged. So much so indeed that he has just completed knocking himself silly, again, for the fifth time since the last ebb tide. Your agent Dirac promised him, in no uncertain terms, exclusive billing. Instead the True divinity of all existence worthy of existing found himself grouped together with a flighty bird woman, a captain smelling of bat guano, a pointy-eared false god on an lsd trip, and a handful of even lesser darknesses. Evidently, the prospect of being frayed alive should be the least of the worries of any member of your calumnious fraternity who dares so much as look upon the Nocturnal sea or, for that matter, any other body of water . . . .

Dear Lady of Ravens,

What did you think of Hitchcock's The Birds?

[Rotipher of the FoS]

The Lady:

{sniff sniff, sob} Oh, I was so moved... {sniff} I so love films with a happy ending....




Dear Nathan Timothy,

Any truth to those tabloid rumors that you love boats so much because you're secretly part seawolf?

[cure]

Nathan Timothy,

Well you know what they say . . . you are what you eat . . . .


Dear Merodoth,

Is there an icy blue deordant that you would recommend?

[Malichko]

Meredoth:

Sure, in my proffession as a necromancer the impression I make is of utmost importance. Therefore I use old spice aqua energy!


to Azalin Rex:

How come that all these years of trying to escape the demiplane you haven't come up with the possibly most simple solution? If you would just make that change and start acting all nice and good, giving money to the poor, planting flowers around castle avernus etc. the Dark Powers would probably throw you out in no time!

[cure]

to Azalin Rex:

How come that all these years of trying to escape the demiplane you haven't come up with the possibly most simple solution? If you would just make that change and start acting all nice and good, giving money to the poor, planting flowers around castle avernus etc. the Dark Powers would probably throw you out in no time!

Azalin Rex: Do you think that the Dark Powers are stupid? They would see through a ruse like that in a heart beat.

Dear Azalin Rex: Why did S have to bump around in the back of old wagons or even put in weeks walking on her own two feet, whereas FoS agents get to be ferried about the Nocturnal Sea in style on ships hired out to be their own private water craft?

[Irving the Meek]

Azalin Rex: Because unlike those amateurs in the FoS, S knows how to actually be subtle.

Dear Adam: How do you feel about the growing consensus that Dr. Mordheim is a lot eviller than you?

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Adam:

What few people know is that the brain I was given came from a disgruntled teenager. Therefore, it's only natural that I've always thought my dad was 100% evil, because he won't loan me the carriage for the weekend.



Dear Dark Powers,

Doesn't maintaining that "inscrutable and mysterious" act get boring after a while? Ever considered revealing the truth about yourselves, just for a change of pace?

[lostboy]

The Dark Powers:

Wouldnt you like to know petty mortal? We shall remain inscrutable and mysterious and never reveal our presence and deign to answer questions, we.............

Oh crap thats blown it then. Right we might as well come clean and admit there are three of us and we are all called Dave.



Dear Arijani,

Who changes your litter box?