Ask a darklord

[JinnTolser]

Van Riese: Far too often. I've started shooting at them as they pass overhead, but of course it goes right through them. Blasted ghost ships... wait.


Dear Azrael: Given that you're not actually the darklord of Sithicus, are you even allowed to answer this question in this thread?

[Scarycount]

Azrael: Considering Scarycount asked a question of Van Richton, I should say I qualify. Besides, I desreve to be the darklord more than the hack the dark powers put in charge!

Dear Gwydion: Could you beat chuck norris in a fight?

[cure]

Dear Gwydion: Could you beat chuck norris in a fight?

Gwydion: Rather than bothering with breaking every bone in his pretty little body, I would just have him gift-wrapped and sent to that overwrought, cocaine snorting red wizard down south.

Count Strahd, who is the author of the bad jokes carved upon many of the tombs in the catacombs under Castle Ravenloft? And don't you find them undignified?

[HuManBing]

Strahd: There you go again, you foolish English speaking cultural fascists! All those gravestones were genuine and quite sincere, I assure you. It's only once you translate them into English that your crude tongue renders them into puerile jejune jokes. Why SHOULDN'T Isolde Yunk be the name of a purveyor of fine goods? Why SHOULDN'T Amerigo Standardski be the name of a designer of a porcelain palace? Eh? EH?

[Tsien Chiang: "Yes, and by the same token there is nothing entertaining about the Dragon King in my culture, which translates to Long Wang in your foolish barbaric tongue. Now come here and give me a kiss."]

Dear Frantisek Markov: Do you ever get the urge to throw feces at people who come to your cage and poke you with sticks?

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Markov: Why, the very idea! I'll have you know that my surgical work demands the utmost in sanitary orderliness. (Mind you, the people who do come to my cages often suffer such urges, after their procedures, although it's debatable whether or not they qualify as "people" at that point....)


Dear Terrence Bleysmith: Feeling a little neglected? You seem to be the only fully-described, canon darklord nobody's asked a question of yet.

[cure]

Torrence Bleysmith: Well given that people can't even spell my name correctly, I prefer being left in peace.

Lord Hazlik, is it true that you are a drug addict and in particular that have a serious and long-standing cocaine addiction?

[Scarycount]

Hazlik: You foolish outlander! Can't you tell the difference between opium and cocaine.

Dear Tristen ApBlanc: Ever play any golf? It can really take your mind off troubles.

[cure]

Dear Tristen ApBlanc: Ever play any golf? It can really take your mind off troubles.

Tristen ApBlanc: Laddie, pray tell to what other purpose would I be having the goblyns clearcut me land? Of course I'll be keeping the trents. They'll make great roving tree hazards.

Lady Isolde, is there an as yet unexplored sexual tension between you and the Gentleman Caller and what precisely is he up to anyways?

[Rotipher of the FoS]

Isolde:

Nothing "unexplored" about it, I'm afraid; been there, done that. Why else would I be this dead-set on disemboweling that two-timing snake?

As for what he's "up" to...? There's a lot less to be "up" than you'd think, actually: ladies, don't waste your time! (Hear that, you slimebag? Your secret's out, pipsqueak!)




Dear Baron of the Eyrie,

What's your name, anyway? Dungeon didn't print it, but surely your werebat minions don't just call you "Hey, you!" all the time.

[Nathan of the FoS]

Dear Baron of the Eyrie,

What's your name, anyway? Dungeon didn't print it, but surely your werebat minions don't just call you "Hey, you!" all the time.

They call me "Master". You can do the same. :twisted::twisted:

So, Isolde...no truth to the rumor that you're seeking child support from a certain gentleman?

[Don Fernando]

Isolde: Although he cannot keep his pants on, he deserves the right to privacy so, no comment to your question. By the way, your skull face will do marvels to my frea... I mean Clown show.... Care to join my company?

Dear Baron von Kharkov: Don't you feel offended that Michael Jackson used your "trademark" transformation into a black panther, in one of his music videos?

[cure]

von Kharkov: He is one of my children and I am as proud as punch of him. Well, most of the time anyway . . .

Dear Omniscient, Omnipotent Godbrain: If you could have any brain in the Core to devour, which would it be and for what reason?

[alhoon]

The brains of the twins of course! Just to be sure that they won't write any VRG to the Illithid races or something similar.

Dear Baron of they Eyrie, Another question: Even though the werebats call you master, don't you think it is demeaning to be cooking for them dressed in a soiled and dirty shirt when the heroes come to kill you all?

[cure]

Dear Baron of they Eyrie, Another question: Even though the werebats call you master, don't you think it is demeaning to be cooking for them dressed in a soiled and dirty shirt when the heroes come to kill you all?

Master Chef Baron of the Eyrie: No chef worthy of the title is afraid of getting his hands dirty and his shirt too. Incidently, you might like to try my latest creation, brains tartar. Shall we pencil you in for dinner this Friday?

Dear Count Strahd XI: Your excellency would surely know were there a powerful fiend hiding in, let us imagine, Teufeldorf, disguised as, for the sake of argument, a magistrate and amateur alchemist, lodged in, let us just suppose, a grim old manor overwrought with arcane literature, right?

[Scarycount]

Strahd: Big deal, if my old friend comes near me I'll just destroy him like I do all other interlopers, until then I have more pressing concerns. The location of Tatyana for example.

Dear Strahd, do your vistani spies ever visit Hazlan? *hint*